A couple years ago, I found myself interviewing a former co-worker for a book I was writing about orgasms. As we sat down and discussed his sex life, he told me a story that was simultaneously hilarious and sad. As I came to learn later, his sex life experience was all-too common in many relationships.
Several summers ago, while having sex with the woman who is now his wife, he placed her on all fours so he could enjoy his favorite position. He got so into trying to please her in the moment that he ended up sticking his thumb directly in her behind, which didn’t really go over as well as he hoped. She loudly let him know to refrain from doing that, and they continued having sex.
Hilarity aside, that may not seem like a moment that should stand out to any man, but it had a profound effect on their future sex life because he figured that freaky sex wasn’t “her thing.” He just settled for the boring, mediocre sex life they have together because he loves her deeply, and it wasn’t a deal breaker.
When I got the opportunity to interview his wife, things got even more interesting. After telling her about the thumb-in-the-butt incident, she laughed her ass off just remembering that ordeal. But the laughter turned to shock when I informed her that her husband used that one moment to forever judge how experimental and open she is in bed. Truth be told, she wasn’t into anal-play at the time, but she is more than open to trying new things sexually. She wished they experimented more, but she assumed he liked things the way they were and didn’t want anything new.
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This situation is all-too typical when it comes to men and women actualizing their desires. While communication is always an issue, many people have a tendency to assume that our boundaries in the bedroom can never change or lessen over time. In the recent LifeStyles 2014 SKYN Sex Survey, there were some extremely fascinating results about what we REALLY want sexually. Let’s take a look …
- Under the sun: Did you know more women than men admit to having sex outside? Sixty percent of female respondents say they have had sex outdoors, while 55 percent of the males have done the dirty deed outside.
- Sex Outside the Bedroom: Nearly 75 percent of Americans admit they have had sex in a hot tub or pool. In the car was another popular location (61 percent), and 51 percent admit to having sex at a friend or family member’s home or apartment.
- Spontaneity is the Spice of Life: Sixty-three percent of females and 57 percent of males agree that spontaneous or unplanned sex is usually the best sex.
- Public Encounters: Fifty-two percent of females and 58 percent of males confess that they’d like to have sex in a public place, where other people could see them. Twenty-one percent say they have actually done so.
- What Does Your Partner Really Want?: Men are most interested in incorporating multiple partners in to the sex routine (27 percent), whereas women are most interested in incorporating massage oils (28 percent).
Really take a second to take in some of those results. Folks you know are having sex any and everywhere, including at YOUR house, maybe even when you’re home. People you know are trying to have sex in public places to be seen by others. So just think how some of these results apply to YOUR partner.
I won’t profess to know the secrets to creating a perfect sex life for everyone, but I do know that exploring your significant other’s sexual side is important, because you might truly be surprised at what you find. And just in case you need a little help spicing things up, we recommend LifeStyles SKYN natural-feeling condoms and LifeStyles® a:muse™ His & Hers Pleasure Massagers
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Lincoln Anthony Blades blogs daily on his site ThisIsYourConscience.com, he’s an author of the book “You’re Not A Victim, You’re A Volunteer” and a weekly contributor for UPTOWN Magazine. He can be reached via Twitter @lincolnablades and on Facebook at This Is Your Conscience.
[Image: Shutterstock]