It really feels like I’m always the last to hear about traumatic occurrences in celebrities’ love lives. And since I like to write about sex and relationships, my friends and followers are always keeping me apprised of what’s going on just to hear my opinion on certain issues. That same scenario played itself out earlier this week when I woke up to a gang of emails and texts from people asking me my opinion on Dwyane Wade‘s new baby.
My first reaction was: “Gabrielle Union’s pregnant? Wow, I’m really not up on this celebrity drama at all.” But then I was quickly corrected and told that the breaking news is that D. Wade just had a son with some jump-off he got pregnant, while on “a break” from his now-fiancee Gabrielle Union. (BTW, I’m not buying the “on a break” bullshit because that’s just cleverly worded PR stuff). The timing couldn’t have been worse, seeing as they just flooded social media with their engagement announcement. And the timing is so interesting, because, as I mentioned on my podcast Sunday, I planned to write an article discussing the worst part about cheating, and now there’s a situation that proves my point to a tee.
The worst part about cheating, even worse than the sex or broken bond (if you believe in emotional cheating) is the public embarrassment that the cheater puts their significant other through. While the pain of having a partner step out stings like hell, it pales in comparison to the pain caused by being made a fool for everyone to see.
[Image: Shutterstock]
I’ve made some bad choices in my life and I’ve cheated before. It’s something I completely regret and will make sure to never do again. What made me ill about the cheating was a weird conversation I had with the chick I cheated with. She called me one night after we smashed, and she asked me what I was doing. When I responded that I was spending the night with my girl, she said, “Leave that stupid bitch and come hang out with me.”
I instantly got heated, and I slowly picked myself up off the couch and walked to the other room. Through gritted teeth I said, “Who the fuck do you think you’re talking about like that?” And she said two sentences that stuck with me through the entirety of my relationship, and have stayed seared into my mind to this very day:
“I bet your dumb ass girl doesn’t even know that you were inside me last week. If you loved her so much, you wouldn’t need to betray her to get some.”
The fact that I heard one of her girlfriends laughing in the background compounded my rage, and after cussing her out, I realized that my anger wasn’t for her – it was for myself.
That girl and her friend weren’t laughing at me, as much as they were laughing at my woman. They were clowning her for caring about me, even though I didn’t deserve it. They made her into a punchline and I gave them all the ammo they needed to do it.
[Image: Shutterstock]
See, when I’m in a relationship I love to look at it as “us against the world.” We have each other’s back when no one else does, and we love each other no matter what we’re going through. But that context is completely wiped out when one person cheats on the other, because now there’s a massive secret going around that everyone knows except the person that’s suppose to care for you more than anyone else. When you’re out, they are the happily ignorant fool who beams with pride while hugging a traitor. When you’re alone, they are giving you every ounce of the love they believe you deserve, but you really don’t. They become your fool and everyone else’s too.
That’s why I personally find it difficult to stomach cheating on a woman at this stage in my life, because I’m not trying to find a girlfriend – I’m trying to find a wife. And it would consume every ounce of me to know that there’s some other unworthy chick who could walk around degrading my woman’s name because of my selfish actions.
In terms of D. Wade’s situation, I personally think people are foolish as hell to be all up in arms over something that his soon-to-be-wife has accepted. People are going on long-ass Twitter rants and getting all overemotional over a situation that doesn’t even involve them. But I think that cheating is so prevalent in many relationships that many of us aren’t even truly arguing about them – it’s more or less about us and our feelings about infidelity, which too many of us are familiar with. While it’s one thing to break your lover’s heart, it’s a whole other thing to publicly drag it through the mud for everyone to see, while it still beats strong for only you. That’s the worst kind of deceit.
LAB
Lincoln Anthony Blades blogs daily on his site ThisIsYourConscience.com, he’s an author of the book “You’re Not A Victim, You’re A Volunteer” and a weekly contributor for UPTOWN Magazine. He can be reached via Twitter @lincolnablades and on Facebook at This Is Your Conscience.
[Image: Shutterstock]