Everybody makes mistakes in dating and relationships. Here’s a look at four of the most common ones made:
[Photo: Shutterstock]
Not Discussing Expectations
Expectations set the tone for relationships. I’m not just talking about stuff like, “I expect you to call instead of text” or “I hope you don’t expect to see these drawers hit the floor within the next 60 to 90 days” or “I expect you to bring this trash downstairs.” Yes, those may be important, but I’m talking about expectations around other areas of value. For example, you may be an avid churchgoer. You may not expect your significant other to be next to you in the pew every week, but you expect spirituality to be in his values list. More importantly, you expect him to understand that church is a big part of your life and you spend a significant amount of time at church-related activities; so he shouldn’t be throwing a tantrum when you don’t want to stay out late on Saturday night because you want to be well-rested on Sunday morning. You could plug in just about anything that’s important to you here and it’ll have the same effect.
Putting these expectations out there early saves you trouble later. It eliminates surprises. It may even eliminate the person from your dating pool, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. This leads me to my next point:
[Photo: Shutterstock]
Being Afraid to Let Them Walk
A few days ago on a site I shall not name, I came across one of those opportunistic relationship articles that attempts to cash in (pageviews) on women’s insecurities. We’ve seen a ton of these come out over the last couple years. It had a title like “Girl, Don’t Mess This Up: 5 Ways to Keep Him Interested.” I hate these titles because they give recklessly bad advice before you even read the article. This one in particular led me to the mini rant below:
Sometimes you need to let that [dude] walk. If you’re spending more time trying to appeal to someone than they spend trying to appeal to you, you’re losing. I don’t care how attractive you find him, how many items (or spots) he hits on your 20-foot papyrus scroll, or how majestic you find his scepter. If he isn’t calling you back or meeting the initial expectations you set, let that [dude] walk. If you don’t, he’ll gladly waste your time while pursuing other options.
[Photo: Shutterstock]
Staying in It Too Long
For the raw and the reckless, this is an issue that I need not speak on. But for those with a clean mind, I think we’ve all been in relationships (or situations) where we let it go on one hour, day, week, month, or year too long. This happens to some of us because we’re delusional optimists. For others, we’re content to have consistency even if it means consistent headaches. Some of us are scared to end relationships because of the heartbreak we think we’ll cause. Whatever the case, you should trust your instincts — particularly if you’ve had multiple conversations about the issue(s) plaguing your relationship. The sooner you end something that’s clearly not working, the sooner you’ll be able to find something (and someone) that does.
[Photo: Shutterstock]
Communicating Outside Instead of Within
I can’t harp enough on the importance of communication in relationships — especially on problems or areas of concern. You probably have a friend you go to when you have relationship troubles. We all have someone, usually of the opposite sex, that helps us work through whatever is on our mind. It’s important to have a friend like that. He or she can save us from saying or doing something really stupid. But there comes a point where we need to check ourselves; a point where we realize we’re defaulting to outside counsel before having any important or constructive conversation with our significant other. In the early stages of a relationship, this isn’t a big deal. But what happens when you’re engaged? What happens when you get married? Should you even be getting to that point if you can’t think or act without relationship counsel? Don’t answer that.
We all make mistakes in dating and relationships. That’s part of the learning process. That’s where we get our wisdom and awesomeness. I’m not saying to avoid the mistakes above, but know them when you see them. Self awareness is always key.
[Photo: Shutterstock]
