By Aydrea Walden
An affair can destroy a relationship, but it doesn’t have to. Yes, there may be feelings of pain, betrayal, humiliation and anger, but there can also be reconciliation. It can be a difficult road, but in some circumstances, a couple can move through an affair and have their relationship restored. Here’s how to know if you should think about forgiving the person who cheated on you or forgetting about them all together.
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Forgive if your partner takes responsibility for their actions—if they own up to the act, apologize and understand the pain they caused.
Forget if they make excuses for why it happened, act like it wasn’t that big of a deal, or expect you to just get over it.
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Forgive if your partner makes a commitment to stop seeing the person, even in friendly circumstances, who they had an affair with. This will not only reduce temptation, but it shows their respect for your feelings.
Forget if they say that it’s not a problem if they continue to see the person. It will be.
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Forgive if they are willing to answer any questions you might have.
Forget if they tell you not to worry about the details. You don’t have an obligation to ask anything, but you do have a right to know what went on.
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Forgive if they are willing to let you do what you need to heal—even if it’s something uncomfortable, like move to a different room or different apartment or house for a while, join a support group, or abstain from sexual intimacy for a period of time.
Forget if they expect you to get over it instantly.
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Forgive if they remind you why they love you and are committed to you.
Forget if they tell you what was so great about the person they cheated on you with or what was so wrong with you.
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Forgive if you can remember that people make mistakes, sometimes very big ones, and you’re willing to do the work to restore your relationship.
Forget if you will always hold the affair over your partner.
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