By Aydrea Walden
When it comes to getting into a relationship, there are a lot of things we say are important, but really aren’t. It doesn’t make much difference if both parties love the exact same hobbies or food. It shouldn’t be a deal breaker if someone comes from a big family and someone comes from a small one. And if you’re thinking of kicking your date to the curb because you like “Homeland,” but they’re more of a “Boardwalk Empire” person, then you’re probably just not that into them in the first place.
There are some things, however, that are extremely important to be honest (with yourself) about before deciding whether to move forward or move on. There’s no right or wrong stance on these issues, but there should definitely be agreement before someone puts a ring on it.
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Kids.
Whether you want them or you don’t is totally fine. What’s not fine is pretending to be ready to have them when you’re not at all or saying that you’re fine remaining childless when you’re dying to hear the pitter patter of little feet. Kids aren’t something you can quickly change your mind about like a duvet comforter, dinner plan, or cell phone. Heck, even a zip code can be an easier thing to change than your mind about becoming a parent or not. It doesn’t matter how awesome someone is, if you two are at odds about procreating, you might want to step away before you reach an impregnable impasse.
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Lifestyle.
Spendthrift or miser, playgirl or pauper, world traveler or homebody, how you choose to spend your life is your business … until you want someone to share that life with you. How you spend your money, what you spend your money on, and how much you have to spend in the first place are incredibly personal choices and can tear a relationship apart if they’re not in sync. You don’t both have to love the same Rolexes or want to live in the same cardboard box, but you should both want the same standard of living. Otherwise, you may end up driving someone into debt, or driving them away from your tent and wide-open spaces.
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Religious beliefs, practices, and tolerance.
Most people don’t believe what they do because they happened upon someone who gave them a convincing argument–beliefs and faiths are long-held, steeped in tradition, and probably began eons before you met your lovely. Not that your nights together aren’t heavenly, but your love may not change their faith. And if not believing the same thing is a deal breaker, consider this deal broken.
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Communication ability.
Some people argue to gain understanding, learn about each other, and reach solutions. Some people fight for fun. Some folks value a strong, but civil discussion, other people need to yell to be heard. If you find that you and your better half aren’t getting to know each other better after a disagreement, then you might want to find a new half. Being able to communicate effectively about both the good and bad things is paramount for a good pairing.
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Sex.
It’s totally OK if you want it all the time, but if you do, don’t try to be coy and say you don’t. Likewise, if you really aren’t that interested in bumping uglies, don’t try to be cool and profess your predilection for passion. Differences in sex drives can lead to all sorts of unintended insults. If you want it significantly more than your partner, they may end up feeling used. If you want it significantly less, they may feel rejected. Before getting too invested, take your temperatures and see if you’re generating similar amounts of heat.
Oh, and if you have some super particular fetish, don’t pretend that you don’t really wanna be peed on. No one wants to be surprised with that ish on their wedding day.
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