Although I’ve never been interested in watching ratchet reality TV shows, if you follow anyone with even the slightest of ties to Black Twitter, you will see and hear a lot about these programs, even when you don’t want to. Sometimes you’ll even see some pictures floating down your timeline (especially post-Fappening), and there’s nothing a straight brother wants to see less when scrolling through Twitter than a naked picture of Yung Berg showing off his package. Obviously it’s all bad regardless of who it is and that particular picture was burned out of my memory moments later, but it did incite an interesting conversation online. After years of leading discussions about sex and sexuality, the resulting conversation confirmed a theory I’ve always believed to be true: Most men are slightly to wildly insecure about their penis size, and that insecurity also drives our fear of being physically and emotionally inadequate for the woman we want.
Before we delve into this topic, please note that I said most men, as there are some men who are not concerned with this in the least. And, interestingly enough, the men who choose not to care about this issue are not necessarily men who are extremely well-endowed. While some are men who are hung enough to be in that small percentile, there are actually many well-hung dudes who are extremely self-conscious about their size. In fact, many years ago I read an article about penis enlargement surgeries in which a doctor stated that most men who walk through his door are the ones who need it the least. While men out here are seriously suffering with “micro-penis,” they aren’t the ones going out of their way to increase their size. Statistically, it’s the men who are slightly above average in length and girth who undertake this procedures. But why?
Well, here’s the truth: The one thing no man wants to admit about his length is that it can be a serious source of insecurity. And the insecurity can run so deep, that we constantly attempt to hide it under layers of hyper-masculinity.
[Image: Shutterstock]
When folks decided to collectively shame Yung Berg, I made three interesting observations on the resulting conversation:
- Nothing grabs a man’s attention more than hearing women speak frankly about penis size. Most dudes instinctively believe that the phrase “size doesn’t matter” is just PC BS.
- Women who complain about the psychological effects of body-shaming only really care about women. As far as they’re concerned, men being shamed is hilarious — and perfectly fine.
- Whenever a man is being publicly shamed for not being hung, every damn dude within earshot feels it is necessary for his ass to pile on the dude, while simultaneously bragging about how massive he is by making comments like, “Thank God I don’t have THAT problem!”
As much as men like to accuse women of not keeping it real about their size requirements, men keep it far less real about how secure we are with our own size. And while it seemed like a small cosmetic issue (like wishing you didn’t have a massive forehead), it’s actually deeper than that for a lot of men. Since we tie our ability to sexually satisfy our woman with the totality of how much we keep her emotionally pleased, some dudes really believe that an inch or two is the difference between keeping their girlfriend in love and in lust with him and having OK sex and making her think you’re “a really nice guy,” while she secretly pines for the dick that effortlessly hit her g-spot. In fact, one of the contributing writers to my website once received an anonymous email from a dude who shared his real story about an issue like this.
This man (who we will call John) was considering breaking up with his girlfriend of two years because he simply could not handle the emotional strain of being with her anymore. Although he loved her and cared for her, he found out through an open and honest discussion with his girlfriend that her last boyfriend had a penis that was more than eight inches long. Since his penis was “only” 7.5 inches long, he constantly worried that he was not satisfying her in the same way that she was previously satisfied by her ex (although she stated that wasn’t even an issue in her mind). That inch consumed his mind, made him feel less adequate and resulted in him losing interest in having sex with her altogether. He simply couldn’t break out of the jail he created in his own mind, even though he statically is so far above average, he shouldn’t have any fear like that whatsoever. Although this case might sound crazy to some folks reading this, it shouldn’t surprise you that we equate penis size with manhood in our society.
With all that said, the truth is that we as men need to realize that we are in our own heads about an issue that women care far less about (size queens excluded). Of course size is important to women, but no quality woman is out here judging the totality of a man by what’s hanging between his legs. If your lady loves your size, then believe it.
Hell, more importantly, believe in yourself.
LAB
Lincoln Anthony Blades blogs daily on his site ThisIsYourConscience.com, he’s an author of the book “You’re Not A Victim, You’re A Volunteer” and a weekly contributor for UPTOWN Magazine. He can be reached via Twitter @lincolnablades and on Facebook at This Is Your Conscience.