Dating sucks. OK, that was harsh opener. Dating is a mix of emotions — nervousness, excitement, joy, and awkwardness. When you like someone, your brain produces endorphins which trigger an actual physical and emotional response in your body. This is what causes the “butterflies in your stomach” feeling every time you are near your crush. Having someone to be near to, hold hands with, talk to, kiss, and be intimate with is amazing and something we all deserve to experience. Since dating can be so complicated, how do we know if it’s leading towards a relationship? Here is some dating advice in the form of the five signs that he (or she) are never, ever, like, ever going to take things to the next level. Ever.
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He only texts you: Ugh, texting is the bane of my existence. Remember when a guy or girl liked you, and called you on the phone? I remember a boy calling me in the sixth grade, circa 1990, and I literally screamed because I was so excited. Then, there were the days of the pager when you would receive a numerical text, yes I wrote numerical for all you youngsters that grew up in the cell phone only era let me break it down. Pagers were dope. Pagers were fly and our generation came up with words you could read using numbers and certain number combinations meant different things. If a boy or girl texted you the number combo 143 it meant I love you. Guys called you because they had to! In high school a guy that had a crush on me wrote me letters weekly for an entire school year. These days you don’t even know what a guys handwriting looks like. All you get are texts and bathroom selfies with the toilet seat in the background.
If he sets up all your “dates” through texts, has not once picked up the phone to call you, and every text session escalates quickly into sexting, then you are not going to be his girlfriend. Now, I don’t think you have to have daily hour-long conversations on the phone to establish a relationship, but I do know that texting takes absolutely no effort, and picking up the phone, hearing someone’s voice, and establishing a relationship does.
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You have never spent more than one night at his place … ever: I understand that there are readers who are dating guys that do not have their own place, but for those of us who are not, let’s proceed. Entering a guy’s living space is not sacred. We all know we are not the only woman he has ever brought there and, in reality, may not be the last, depending on what the future holds, or at least your take away from this article, but I digress. Spending frequent nights at a guy’s house is a relationship-establishing move. By frequent, I mean that you have slept at his house, know where the glasses are, and have a toothbrush there.
If you slept with him, and you felt an automatic comfort in being with him, in his bed, and lounging at his place, then you feel safe, and feeling safe with someone is amazing. On the other hand, if you slept with him, fell asleep, got dropped off the next morning and received a, “Hey, what you doing?” text three days later — then he is not going to be your man. Move on.
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You constantly question whether he really likes you: When a man (notice I typed “man”) wants you, he will let you know. There will be no need for games. Men are natural hunters and will go after what they want. Honey, if he wants you, he will let you know in all the ways that he can. He will pick up the phone and ask you on that first date, if he hadn’t already done so in person. He will text you midday to see how you are doing. He will not leave you questioning your actions as well. How many of us have wondered if we should call or re-typed a text a million times hoping we won’t come across as desperate if we send it? You will feel completely secure in, well, how you are feeling, and you will not question your feelings because they will be reciprocated. If there is not reciprocity it’s not meant to be. Let it go.
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He’s too busy for a relationship: A journalist was interviewing President Obama and asked how he maintained family time with his schedule. He proceeded to explain how he — when there are no dire emergencies of course — manages his time, and for the most part has dinner with his family, and date nights with the First Lady are also very important to him. Need I say, well, write more? The President of the United States of America can make time for his wife, but your boo can’t make time for you? There are 24 hours in a day, and yes we all lead our lives differently, and there are days when we are crazy busy, but that is no excuse. Here’s the thing; When I want to go to Fatburger and order a turkey burger with everything on it and chili-cheese fries, I figure out a way to make it happen, and I work three jobs. When we want to get our hair done we make it happen knowing it will kill many hours of our day. When we want to go on vacation, we work insane amounts of overtime to make the money needed, so that we can party it up in Jamaica next summer.
We make time for what is important. You, are important, and no matter what, deserve to be treated as such. If the man running the country can have a date night with his wife, then you can get a five-minute phone call just to say hi, if he doesn’t have time to spend an evening together, right? If he is not making any time for you, it’s not because school is tough, work is hectic, or his life is “crazy” right now — yeah, that means you Mr. Fireman…we both know your life was not “crazy” — it is because you are not important enough to him for him to make time for you. Walk away … Hell, moonwalk your way out of his “busy” life.
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You have never met his family: This one hits close to home because it happened to me in my last relationship. Two years in and I had only spoke to his mother on the phone and through e-mails, as his family was from Michigan and I am in L.A. Not only were we together for two years, but lived together for one, and I had never had a face-to-face meeting with his parents. This is not normal unless his parents have passed or he literally does not know them. Meeting a guy’s parents, guardians, extended family, etc. is a sign that he wants to take your relationship to the next level, and that he is envisioning a future with you.
This can be tricky also depending on the relationship your partner may/may not have with his family. Let’s just say he and his parents are not on good terms and his childhood friend is his family. Have you met him? No. So, you haven’t met any of his family members or his closest friend? Right now he cannot picture you in his future frame of life. Right now, you are not “the one.” You may have to wait a while longer and see how this step pans out, which is OK if you are open to that. Don’t let two years go by without meeting his family because that is a huge red flag. Listen, don’t let one year go by without meeting his family. If this is your situation, sit down and have an honest conversation about your future, because the last thing you want is a never-worn wedding gown in your closet … like me. Talk it out, work it out, or walk away.
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