Back in my financial planning days, one of the most hilarious misconceptions I frequently encountered was the idea that financial stability can be accurately judged based on one’s income. For some reason, many of us tend to believe that someone who makes good money is automatically in better financial shape than someone who makes less, and many times that is completely incorrect. Of course, every region has a certain income level that provides residents with a significant advantage in financial stability. However, it’s funny to see how many people desire a financially stable partner, yet have NO CLUE about what constitutes pecuniary security.
Whenever I do one of my Relationships & Bullsh*t shows or I’m asked to speak on a panel, the hope of finding someone who is doing well professionally and making money is a big concern for many single adults. As well it should be. Times are tough, and the phrase “love doesn’t pay the bills” has never been more truer than now. Single-income families are quickly becoming historical artifacts. If you are interested in being in a serious relationship, you better find someone who can make a significant addition to your household’s bottom line or else s/he will become an economic liability — regardless of how much you care about him or her.
But many of y’all out there in the dating scene are very aware of how important money is to dating. That’s why every two months, Black Twitter finds itself embroiled in another $200-date debate. This is why women flock to men with nice cars, who own their own place and have the ability to buy nice clothes. And this is also why men are so intent on finding an independently successful woman who has her own ends. Yet, whenever we have these conversations and arguments about how important money is and how it should be spent on dates, throughout the course of a relationship or even at a wedding, it’s appalling how little we talk about the concept of solvency.
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Being solvent is about making sure that your current assets exceed your liabilities — and it might shock you to know how difficult that is to find. Just because a woman is driving a Benz, it doesn’t mean her vehicle (which is rapidly declining in value) is a sign of her incredible financial health. Just because a man can fly you out on his credit card isn’t a sign of a vast expendable income. A Bankrate.com study recently showed that 28 percent of Americans have more credit card debt than income in a savings fund. And only 51 percent of Americans have more emergency savings than credit card debt.
I have a homegirl who is a lawyer making a decent annual salary. From the outside looking in, she is doing well and she goes to great lengths to make it appear that way. As a new attorney, keeping up with the Joneses is important to her, so she’ll buy expensive outfits weekly and attend $250 a plate fundraisers with her colleagues. Yet, she has accrued almost a $250,000 in student loan debts, and her current spending habits, combined with her income, leaves her in no position to actually save. Not only is she a great example of how a salary can blind you to one’s individual solvency, but she is also a scary example of another topic we rarely talk about when it comes to dating and finances: Income insecurity.
Having an insecure income relates to something 76 percent of us are doing right now — living paycheck to paycheck. God forbid someone loses their job, gets seriously sick or injured and accrues hospital bills, or suffers any other economic shock, because that will equal financial ruin for that person and many others in a similar position. Living check to check is the antithesis of financial stability. Just because someone isn’t impoverished doesn’t mean they are economically healthy.
So if financial stability is important to you in deciding who you will date, please don’t let their income blind you to the reality of their financial situation. While this isn’t a first date topic, it’s definitely is something you want to discuss before deciding to move in with that person, open joint accounts, or take your relationship to a permanent level. If you are both serious about building a life together, think about solvency, savings, and security and go from there.
LAB
Lincoln Anthony Blades blogs daily on his site ThisIsYourConscience.com, he’s an author of the book “You’re Not A Victim, You’re A Volunteer” and a weekly contributor for UPTOWN Magazine. He can be reached via Twitter @lincolnablades and on Facebook at This Is Your Conscience.