Monday morning, TMZ released surveillance video from the Feb. 15th elevator assault involving Ray Rice and his then-fiancée, Janay Palmer. This video, which shows the assault in shocking detail, has led some to call the victim into question. Palmer, who was knocked unconscious when Rice punched her in the face and her head hit a metal railing, married Rice just one day after he was indicted on third-degree aggravated assault charges. She then appeared beside him at a press conference, where she said, “I do deeply regret the role that I played in the incident that night. But I can say that I am happy that we continued to work through it together.”
RELATED: Janay Rice Is Supporting Ray Rice: ‘This Is OUR Life’
Her unwavering faith in her abuser has confused many, who wonder why she would stand by, and ultimately marry, a man who is capable of such vicious violence. But the deep-seeded effects of intimate partner violence can be difficult to understand.
Racine Henry, a therapist and doctoral candidate at Drexel University, told Kimberly Foster of For Harriet, “It’s never that simple or that easy. If they have children together, if he’s the only source of income in the family, if she has strong religious beliefs about marriage or about what it means to be a good girlfriend or wife, all of these things — which you can’t really separate out from the others — play a role.”
In response to the questions surrounding Palmer, author and domestic violence survivor Beverly Gooden created the hashtag #WhyIStayed, which shed light on the many complex reasons why people stick with partners who abuse them. This prompted brave survivors, including singer Marsha Ambrosius and fashion blogger GabiFresh, to share their own gripping stories of domestic violence and escape, in hopes of educating those who seek to blame the victim.
Read on to see just a few of the responses to #WhyIStayed.
I stayed because my pastor told me that God hates divorce. It didn’t cross my mind that God might hate abuse, too. #WhyIStayed
— Beverly Gooden (@bevtgooden) September 8, 2014
They attempted suicide #WhyIStayed They attempted suicide #WhenILeft
— MARSHA AMBROSIUS © (@MarshaAmbrosius) September 9, 2014
Because he said we just needed to work on forgiving each other. #WhyIStayed — Brittany (@dearminerva) September 8, 2014
The stigma of being a single mother is #WhyIStayed for so long. #WhenILeft my fears were confirmed. I was told that I let a god man go. — Mother Justice (@MotherJustice) September 9, 2014
Mama stayed bc when we left, we didn’t have anywhere to go. We lived in the car, friends stopped helping. We had to go back. #WhyIStayed — yasiin bae. (@CourtJusBChilln) September 8, 2014
As a Blk queer radical feminist activist I was afraid 2 tell community I was living the reality I was trying to dismantle #WhyIStayed
Being told by the police that I was doing something to drive him crazy was #WhyIStayed for as long as I did. I blamed myself. — Mother Justice (@MotherJustice) September 9, 2014
— Paris Hatcher (@parishatcher) September 8, 2014
#WhyIStayed Because I felt guilty about calling police and getting another black man swept up into the justice system. — Adrianne (@writersrepublic) September 8, 2014
#WhyIStayed I always fought back so I thought it was my fault too. #WhenILeft I realized that I had a right to self defense. — Mikki Kendall (@Karnythia) September 8, 2014
The hardest part about #WhyIStayed was fear of failure. I felt pressure to stay 2 avoid perpetuating stereotypes about single Black mothers. — Mother Justice (@MotherJustice) September 9, 2014
“You act like I’m killing you. You’re not even bleeding.” #whyistayed I was convinced I was overreacting. — Pardo (@blowticious) September 9, 2014
people told me i was the crazy one, my friends defended him, he was the king of gaslighting, he told me we were soulmates. #whyistayed — gabifresh (@gabifresh) September 9, 2014
#WhyIStayed he was the most loving, generous, and attentive being I had ever met. The best gifts, & overt displays of love. — Black and Golden (@blackandgolden) September 9, 2014
“He hit you? What did you do?” People I loved convinced me it was my fault. #WhyIStayed — Pardo (@blowticious) September 9, 2014