When I was 17 years old, I entered into my first serious relationship. It might sound corny, but I didn’t see it as some puppy-love or high school sweetheart type of relationship. I really thought I would be her husband and she would be the mother of my kids (which, coincidentally, was happening to friends my same age during that time). But as a boy who had never been in a serious relationship before, much of my actions were predicated on what I thought I was supposed to do, as opposed to what came naturally, or even what made sense. This way of thinking lead to many stupid decisions on my part, but the worst mistake I ever made in that relationship was fighting for a woman who didn’t really want me to fight for her.
Enter Keri Hilson, who, this past weekend, decided to hop on Twitter and go in on women who were vying for attention from her man, Oklahoma City Thunder center, Serge Ibaka.
Why do girls think it’s cute to vie for the attention of a taken man? Why don’t they feel hoe-ish? When did this become acceptable?
— Keri Hilson (@KeriHilson) August 29, 2014
Did ALL the rules go out the window w/ social media? Don’t we have more respect for OURSELVES, if not for other women? And relationships?
— Keri Hilson (@KeriHilson) August 29, 2014
Meanwhile, that man AND his girlfriend are laughing at your thirsty ass–together. That’s what you need to know. Have a little self-respect.
— Keri Hilson (@KeriHilson) August 29, 2014
From a general perspective, her tweets are completely on-point and definitely speak to the illness of cheating and unfaithfulness. But I’m going to go out on a limb and state that her tweets, like mostly everyone on Twitter, were inspired by events close to home. And just by looking at how my female friends swoon over Ibaka, I can tell he probably does have many women willing to disrespect the sanctity of his relationship to get with him. But, from a specific standpoint, Keri’s tweets were pretty bad for ONE main reason – It’s NOT her job to tell women to stop disrespecting their relationship, it’s her BOYFRIEND’S.
When you decide to enter into a relationship, both people have one main responsibly to the other person: Letting people who want you KNOW that they can’t have you, and they should refrain from shitting on your relationship by trying to wedge their way in. It’s Keri’s job to let this super-thirsty ass dudes know that she is NOT gonna be their “friends” and she will NOT be messaging them on Whatsapp because she has a man. And it’s Serge’s job to let these dehydrated heffas know to stay OUT of his DM’s because he is TAKEN and OFF THE MARKET. But neither of them have the job of talking for the other person because they are both grown-ass adults with the ability to talk for themselves. And if the person you’re with doesn’t WANT to speak up for themselves, you will end up learning the same lesson I learned at 17: The person you’re with doesn’t mind being lusted after because THEY respect you less than the people dishonoring your relationship.
LAB
Lincoln Anthony Blades blogs daily on his site ThisIsYourConscience.com, he’s an author of the book “You’re Not A Victim, You’re A Volunteer” and a weekly contributor for UPTOWN Magazine. He can be reached via Twitter @lincolnablades and on Facebook at This Is Your Conscience.