I don’t know Dr. Simone Whitmore, her husband, or the intricacies of their marriage. When the OBGYN and Married 2 Medicine star announced on the show that she “rarely” gave her man head, it started a very interesting debate amongst viewers and, well, every man and woman who has given or received oral sex. Dr. Whitmore, who has been married to her husband for 18 years, began receiving unsolicited relationship advice from strangers on the internet who flooded the comment sections of articles to reiterate the tired phrase, “what you won’t do, another woman will.” Suddenly, every damn person (including people who have trouble getting married and starting a family in SIMS 2, much less real life) felt that they knew the key to “fixing” the sexual component of her relationship.
My thoughts on her individual relationship are simply this: Do what makes YOU and YOUR MAN happy. If her husband likes getting blow jobs every solar eclipse, then who in the hell am I to tell him or her that they are wrong? Sex is always about mutual satisfaction, so if they’ve been enjoying their sex for 18 years, then kudos to them. Now, the REAL problem doesn’t lie with Dr. Whitmore’s actions, it’s about her advice for other women. Her comments missed the mark on what sex means to many married men.
When a man loves a woman enough to get on his bended knee and propose that they spend the rest of their lives together, he is expecting they will now be officially responsible for maintaining their shared emotional, mental, spiritual and physical connections. To reiterate a point I’ve made a million times, most men don’t exhibit the full scope of their emotions verbally, or by writing limericks, or some other action. Many men express the depths of their love for their woman through making love.
When a man is with a woman he truly loves, it’s NOT all about flippin’ it, smackin’ it and rubbin’ it (although that IS a big part), it’s about being inside the one perfect woman for you. After meeting, dating and vetting countless women, you are now physically and emotionally one with the one person you’ll do anything to make happy, in and out of the bedroom. But, if she isn’t on the same page with her man in that sense, that is scary for a married man because it proves that there may be a huge gap in mutual appreciation.
When many women hear another woman say that she doesn’t give head, they think the issue he has is about not getting the freaky sex he wants. But what men really take issue with is the possibility that her lack of reciprocity is a sign that she’s unwilling to love him in the same way that he would be willing to for her. Married men HATE hearing that Dr. Simone Whitmore doesn’t give head because they immediately think about how willing they may be to give their woman oral sex and assume that her husband is getting a raw deal. See, what really scares men, married or not, is attaching themselves for life to a woman who is too selfish and entitled to appreciate the man she has, and to reciprocate the efffort he’s putting in.
Screw what ya heard, marriage isn’t about you and me, it’s about us. If you don’t believe a man or woman “completes” you, then that’s perfectly fine for you, but don’t you ever forget that you made the CHOICE to become a couple, and acting like one means that you must ALWAYS take them into account with whatever you do.
LAB
Lincoln Anthony Blades blogs daily on his site ThisIsYourConscience.com, he’s an author of the book “You’re Not A Victim, You’re A Volunteer” and a weekly contributor for UPTOWN Magazine. He can be reached via Twitter @lincolnablades and on Facebook at This Is Your Conscience.