Robin Thicke has made a lot of unfortunate — private AND public — choices in his marriage that contributed to his separation from wife Paula Patton. While I can’t claim to know his specific situation, I, like many other men, can definitely relate to what he’s going through. There’s nothing uniquely groundbreaking about a man screwing up his relationship, and then doing everything he can to win back his wife or girlfriend. I’ve been in that situation, but there’s one very important lesson I learned that I need to share with grovelling men around the world. In a relationship, the opposite of LOVE is not HATE; it’s INDIFFERENCE. And when a woman becomes indifferent, bringing her back into the fold is damn near impossible.
Although hate is a strong word, it’s possible to near the end of a relationship and damn near hate your significant other while you’re still together. You guys fight all the time, over the most random and innocuous bullshit. You enjoy spending time away from each other. Hell, you even start seriously planning what your life will be like in the near future when you’re finally “free.”
Yet, there’s always something that keeps your roller coaster relationship together, and that connection can be mind-blowing sex, the kids, fear of being single, or even just plain ol’ nostalgia. The thing is, once that string snaps and whatever bond a woman had to her man and their relationship is broken, it’s pretty much broken forever. Once a woman becomes indifferent, she no longer has any compulsion to be a rider on the emotional roller coaster. But a willingness to take that ride is IMPERATIVE in a long-term relationship because getting back together doesn’t ensure a lifetime of smooth sailing. Another issue will pop up sometime in the future, but if her emotional investment isn’t there, she won’t fight for a damn thing. But fellas, you don’t need to worry about that – because when she becomes indifferent to you, taking you back is as unlikely as GQ featuring Michael Jordan for his sartorial dame. It ain’t gonna happen!
What men like Robin Thicke need to know is that a woman will complete self-analysis, -introspection, and -improvement BEFORE she is completely DONE with the relationship. Before a woman leaves a man, she will typically give his ass all kinds of signs and warnings to let him know how close she is to being done with him. But sometimes, as men, we take that as “bitching” or her “usual complaining,” when the truth is that she is giving us ample notice that we need to change ASAP. As men, it’s critically important that we stay emotionally in-tune with our woman and hop off macho-misogynistic shit like, “Man, this bitch out here complaining AGAIN!” No idiot, your woman is seriously informing you that you don’t have much time or chances left.
Let me make it simple for you, bruh … If you show up at your girl’s house, professing your love for her with some grand romantic gesture, and her response isn’t tears or passion or anger or anything with deep emotions, but instead she just scrolls through Instagram pics and follows up with a “Thanks, but I gotta leave now,” then your relationship is a WRAP! Cry yourself to sleep for the next couple of nights, take your ass away from the dating scene for a while, NEVER check her social media (before you see or read some shit that makes you RELAPSE), and try to move on with your life. Hell, she deserves that just as much as YOU do.
LAB
Lincoln Anthony Bladesblogs daily on his site ThisIsYourConscience.com, he’s an author of You’re Not A Victim, You’re A Volunteer and a weekly contributor for UPTOWN Magazine. He can be reached via Twitter @lincolnablades and on Facebook at This Is Your Conscience.