Unless you live under a Sega Genesis, chances are you’ve seen the footage of Solange trying to give Jay-Z a two piece and a biscuit inside of an elevator at the Standard Hotel. You’ve probably read the many conspiracy theories on why it happened, and maybe even debated with friends about Beyonce’s emotionless reaction to seeing two people she loves go at it in such a confined space.
But the one intriguing conversation that has developed from this sordid affair is a frank discussion on double standards around abuse. To call what happened in the elevator a fight, is to call what happened in this year Super Bowl a competitive match-up. Solange straight up attacked Jay, and all he did was attempt to deflect the blows from landing.
After the footage was released, the response from many women was extremely confusing – to men. Jay-Z instantly became an object of ridicule by both sexes, which probably had more to do with the mismatch of his hard lyrics and this real life example of gentlemen etiquette. But besides the jokes, many women went on to blame Jay-Z for this interaction without even taking a real look at Solange’s reckless abandon in assaulting Jay. Clearly when the tables are turned, those same women have absolutely NO problem levying outrage against men who hit women.
Here’s where things got incredibly absurd…When women began purporting that Jay-Z would be DEAD WRONG for hitting Solange back as a measure of defending himself. Not only did most men find that to be bullshit logic, but Whoopi Goldberg even went on The View to chastise that ideology.
Interestingly enough, her comments have stirred up a lot of anger amongst women and co-signing amongst men, but the problem is that most people don’t understand that we are mostly arguing two different points. The women who are angry at Whoopi think she’s an idiot for believing that a man has the RIGHT to beat a woman into the ground for starting a fight, and the men who agree with Whoopi mostly believe it’s OK for them to physically defend themselves when a woman attacks, rather than standing there and absorbing the abuse.
Although I’m much larger than the average man, I have managed to avoid being in a fight for 20 years, and the last fight I was in was started by the other dude. I’ve never hit a woman in my life, I’ve never been arrested for anything especially violence against women, and I plan on being fight-free until the day I die. As a writer and public speaker, I am very confident in my abilities to defeat someone with words. With all that said, I agree with Whoopi in one sense but it does need one important qualifier: Regardless of someone’s gender, you should show humanity if possible.
Look, there are three ways a man can respond to a woman’s attack. First, there’s the Jay-Z strategy, which involves blocking punches with no counters, catching kicks without leg sweeps and taking purses to the face without retaliation. Second, there’s the Chris Brown method which involves going all the way overboard and beating a woman’s face in until she’s bloody and unconscious (not saying that Rihanna hit Chris first, but just using his unbridled rage as an example of going too far).
Now strategy number three is what I personally subscribe to, and it’s called: Neutralizing the threat. This isn’t about breaking a woman’s jaw because she pushed or swung at you, and it’s definitely not about sitting there and being her personal punching bag. It’s about using physicality, without excessive force, in order to stop her from continuing her assault. This is the best example of what I mean.
That video is exactly how I would handle a woman trying to beat me down. The boy asked her to stop while getting hit, then he reached the point where he refused to be assaulted anymore and took actions into his own hands. After restraining her and getting her to calm down, he even made sure to see if she was okay. That is the type of measured response that women and men should BOTH be advocating for. So while Whoopi is right that men should be able to defend themselves from an attacker of any gender, that does not automatically constitute a woman should receive a repetitive flurry of jabs and crosses to the jaw.
LAB
Lincoln Anthony Blades blogs daily on his site ThisIsYourConscience.com, he’s an author of the book “You’re Not A Victim, You’re A Volunteer” and a weekly contributor for UPTOWN Magazine. He can be reached via Twitter @lincolnablades and on Facebook at This Is Your Conscience.