If there’s one thing that I, and many other Black men, have emphatically learned about Black women in the past 10 years, it’s how incredibly important a Black woman’s relationship with her hair is. We’ve always been aware of how seriously Black women took their hair, but the recent explosion of the natural hair movement has allowed us access into how deep these waters psychologically and spiritually run. We’ve gone from “knowing” to keep water the hell away from a Black woman’s head, to realizing how truly frightening and empowering a “big chop” can be for a woman. With that said, there’s still one important disconnect that exists between Black men and Black women when it comes to hair: Weave-dependency.
Weave-dependency is when a woman refuses to allow anyone, except her hairstylist, to see her hair in its natural state. Weave-dependency occurs when a woman goes out of her way to always have hair extensions for work, school, sitting on the couch with her man, and even going to the bathroom. Yes, going to the damn bathroom.
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My homegirl Bee Quammie is a natural hair blogger who also writes here at UPTOWN. Two weeks ago we were hosting an event together, and afterwards we found ourselves locked in an extremely interesting conversation with one of the ladies who attended. The woman revealed she had recently started cutting her hair really short and it took her a long time to realize how beautiful she is without a weave or a wig. Then, she revealed that she used to have a post-shower wig that she threw on before stepping out of the bathroom and into bed with her man. Bee was shocked to learn that a woman was actually doing this, but I wasn’t. I knew my ex did that all the damn time. In fact, I’ve encountered many women who are excessively weave-dependent and it’s one of the unsexiest things I’ve ever dealt with when dating beautiful Black women — and Lord knows, I’m not alone.
[Image: Shutterstock]
Truth be told, I think a woman should wear whatever hairstyle makes her feel confident, and to hell with what anyone else thinks. Some Black women love natural hair, some like to relax theirs, and some love weaves and wigs, and it’s all good. But, if you’re in a relationship, please understand that when you become dependent on maintaining your weave or wig at every point during the day, you risk severely alienating your man in your relationship. It’s one thing to tell him he can’t touch your hair, but it’s an entirely different thing to refuse to even show him what is naturally growing out of your scalp. It’s almost as if there’s a piece of your soul that you aren’t ready to share with him, and men really regret being in that scenario.
This article isn’t about telling Black women they are wrong for wearing weaves or wigs. This isn’t natural-hair propaganda either. This is simply a message from strong Black men to strong Black women: Feel free to show every part of yourself to us, because we’ve got your back.
LAB
Lincoln Anthony Blades blogs daily on his site ThisIsYourConscience.com, he’s an author of the book “You’re Not A Victim, You’re A Volunteer” and a weekly contributor for UPTOWN Magazine. He can be reached via Twitter @lincolnablades and on Facebook at This Is Your Conscience.
[Image: Shutterstock]