Leah Green, a producer for The Guardian recently created a viral video in which she harasses men in the ways that women are typically harassed on the street. She goes up to guys complimenting their asses and asking if they’d like to go home with her, making them uncomfortable in the ways that women are made to feel on a daily basis.
In honor of that, we’ve created a little list of some of the more common ways in which guys talk to girls. Most of you ladies will have encountered many, if not all of these pick-up tactics multiple times. Guys, check to see if your approach is on the list — if so you may want to get a new one.
The Starer
Have you ever felt someone’s eyes just laser beaming a hole on the side of your face? This guy is the creeper who sits across the room, and just stares at you in what I’m assuming is supposed to be admiration. Giving a girl the sexy eye prior to the approach is a welcomed tactic. However, staring at her with no intention of saying anything comes off as extremely creepy.
The Car Caller
The car caller is the guy who is hollering some mess at you from his car as you’re walking past. Are you expecting me to come over to your car and lean over into the window? Save that mess for the drive-thru. I don’t care if you’re in the driver’s seat, this is a no-no.
The Toucher
These gentlemen are a particular annoyance of mine. They find any kind of way to get their hands on you. They’re the ones to grab your hand while you walk past, or casually put an arm over your shoulders as if they know you. Toucher, I’m going to have to ask that you refrain from touching me because I don’t know you. Thanks.
The Pastor
Pastors are the guys who randomly bestow blessings on you. You can be standing there minding your own business when the Pastor comes around, pauses, looks you in the eye and says, “God bless you, gorgeous.” On the surface, there doesn’t seem to be anything wrong with this, but this intro tends to be the holiest statement that will come out of that man’s mouth in the entire time of you knowing him. He ain’t that godly — it’s just an opening. What’s funniest about Pastors is that they will often say that and walk away, so you’re just left like, “Um … thanks?”
The Sexual Healer
These guys are real gems. The Sexual Healer sells himself by making promises about the bedroom. He’s the one who will make explicit comments to you as a means of introduction. This is the type of guy who has sentences that begin like: “Girl, if you taste as good as you look …” Boy, bye!
The Sound Machine
Theses guys don’t know how to open their mouths to speak. Instead they feel the need to make noises at you: smooching, pssst-ing, clapping, snapping, barking, etc. It’s really insulting because it makes you feel like some kind of pet at their beck and call.
The T-Pain
I call these guys T-Pains in reference to his song “Buy U A Drink.” These guys are the ones who bring you a drink or have one sent to your table to get your attention. While this isn’t rude like a lot of the other tactics, it lacks creativity and doesn’t tell me anything about you. That may be an icebreaker, but you still need to come over and say something! Also, please note that just because you made the decision to buy me a drink, does not mean that I’m making the decision to be your party companion all night.
The Salesman
The salesman is the one who reads you his resume as a means of introduction. He’s ticking off his list of attributes like he’s trying to sell you a car. God forbid you politely decline because you have a boyfriend. The Salesman will start telling you why he’s better, as if he’s the upgraded model of what you currently have. Sir, have a drink of water and a seat please.