It’s 10:30 p.m.
Your stoic chauffeur lets you out of your sparkling Continental GT that smells of fresh leather and wood grain.
You’re accompanied by an entourage of glittering, beautiful, picture-perfect men in skinny jeans and model-esque women to a swanky strip club in Houston, Atlanta, or Las Vegas — because, you know, you frequent these cities like rooms your mansion.
You enter through the front of the building and bypass the seemingly endless line of people who call to you like they know you – even though everyone knows they don’t. Your bodyguard is more hefty than the bouncer and clears the way for you and your crew to walk into the facility.
[Image: Shuttershock]
You pass the semi-crowded main club area and see one of your many gorgeous ex-girlfriends on stage surrounded by piles of $20 dollar bills. You watch her voluptuous frame swirl sinuously through the smoky haze of weed and cigars that wafts lazily in the air — highlighting her angelic qualities that transcend the stage on which she dances. Viewing her through your Tom Ford shades you flashback to sequences similar to a music video resembling memories of endless private dances on early mornings in random cities that you don’t remember. Your only interruption being a text from a 713-number — just another ex that you told was the love of your life. You’ll be drunk-dialing her later.
You are led to the VIP section that was prepared in advance for you and your crew. It is already overflowing with strippers of the highest caliber, ready to contribute to the drunken state you find yourself.
[Image: Hot937]
You ask a beautiful Ethiopian woman with glasses, long curly hair, and a large a** to come with you and your entourage. You all go to one of your favorite local restaurants, where the wait staff automatically knows what you want to eat and has an exclusive section just for you!
You don’t forget to wear your napkin in your shirt, you know, because you’re mobbin’ like that. You and the beauty of the night talk about everything because you’re interested in intelligent girls. You find out she went to Howard because you just happen to be attracted to high-caliber women.
Plates of food and empty bottles of Ciroq, but later you find out about her man, even though she’s already fallen in love with you. Y’all make plans to travel to some exotic place that you’re visiting next week knowing that you’ll only be with her for a few months because, you know, you’re waiting for the day when Nicki Minaj accepts your proposal of marriage.
Your life revolves around beautiful women, constant travel, and surpassing the expectations of everyone around. All in auto-tune.
There will be times when you will be successfully completing million-dollar projects, only to find out that you and your squad will have to combine your forces to save your current squeeze. her life is in danger just because she is your girlfriend — because, you know, you’re just that important.
And every girl you get involved with seems to come with some kind of life or death situation that you always survive unscathed — resulting in a happily ending lyrical narrative to enthrall the world with at the end of the night.
[Image: ZHipHopCleveland]
When you drop down in your hometown of Toronto, the love never stops coming from all of your friends, exes, and the rest of the city, but especially from your exes, who are all mad that you keep drunk-dialing them.
You always find yourself spending time catching up with people you miss and attending late night volleyball matches, played by teams of beautiful models in bikinis and booty shorts. You are known to have a diverse group of friends, always making sure to show love to your Jewish fam since, you know, Judaism is a part of your heritage that you openly embrace.
[Image: MissBernieJ]
Between cities and hanging out with the members of YMCMB, Rihanna, and other celebrities, you always find the time to play a friendly game of online poker with internationally renown basketball players like Lebron James — because, you know, the both of you are friendly like that.
[Image: NecoleBitchie]
When you stroll down the street in flurries of snow you will be unaffected by the cold, your outfits never get dirty, and a Bentley will slowly follow you as you exude unmistakable swagger and unparalleled style.
[Image: Kissfmuk]
With all your coming and goings, touring and recording, you always find time to inspire the kids in the hood and show your love to the elders who taught you what you know, as they continue to be your inspiration even today. You show love to your city, support those who came before you, and don’t hesitate to keep it real with the world — because, you know, you’re humble like that.
[Image: WeGotThisCovered]