Last week, the internet went nuts when news broke regarding Dwyane Wade having an illegitimate child outside of his relationship with future-wife Gabrielle Union. You couldn’t go anywhere without hearing or reading about the story. Hell, I even wrote an article here on UPTOWN about it. Then, just as I thought things were cooling down and the battle of the sexes was going to come to a temporary halt, it’s revealed that Ludacris had a baby with a side-piece while in a relationship with his longtime girlfriend Eudoxie.
But after hearing Eudoxie publicly state that she has no intentions of leaving Luda, this time the conversation wasn’t just about staying engaged or married to a cheating man, it was about continuing to pursue marriage with a man that has betrayed her. This has touched off an interesting conversation between men and women: Would Ludacris (or any man for that matter) stay with a cheating spouse or girlfriend? Would they even consider putting a ring on a woman who had conceived a child with another man? As much as men and women may find it hard as hell to see eye to eye on many relationship issues, we both agree that most men find it much harder to take back a cheating woman, than women find it to take back a cheating man.
The inevitable question that most women ask after both sexes mutually agree on that point is, why? Is it just our egos? Have women been intrinsically conditioned to accept being held to a higher standard than their mates? Or do men just possess far less emotional stamina than women when it comes to accepting their significant other, flaws and all? While those are very good arguments, the reality of this question can be explained in three reasons.
Reason 1: Men Believe Women Cheat Comparatively
While speaking at one of my “Relationships & Bullsh*t” events, I angered and surprised most of the women in the room when I stated: “MEN IN HAPPY RELATIONSHIPS CHEAT TOO.” The women were confused because they thought that statement made no sense, but many women don’t understand that most men and women (generally speaking) have different motivations behind their infidelity. While many women cheat because they are unhappy with their relationship, a lot of dudes cheat because the opportunity presented itself. Yes, it’s just as simple as that.
When most dudes cheat, the decision they make is between having sex or not having it. Mature, selfless, and non-jerky men can look beyond that potential moment of gratification and realize how much they’re really risking, but cheating-ass men look at it as getting it in now or letting the opportunity pass. I don’t want to make excuses for these idiots, but when some dudes are coming clean and they say, “I wasn’t even thinking about you!”, they’re not lying. But men don’t believe women cheat like that.
Most fellas believe that women try and find a dude who is specifically bigger and better than him out of spite. Most dudes also believe that women have a higher chance of developing a real and substantial emotional connection to their side-dude. How can he take back a woman who tried to one-up everything he is as a man?
Reason 2: The Nani Never Stops Degrading in Value
When a man enters into a relationship and falls for the woman he’s with, he puts her lovemaking on a pedestal. She is his everything. We all are aware that many boys aren’t taught how to embrace their emotions and express them verbally, so some men find it easiest to connect with their woman emotionally through sex. Well, once another man has been all up inside his woman, that pedestal comes crumbling down, and it keeps decaying as time goes on. While some men may possess the inner-fortitude (if you want to call it that) to look past her transgression, a lot of guys feel that a very treasured aspect of their connection has been forever tainted.
Reason 3: YES, IT’S OUR DAMN EGOS
Look at how got damn awesome I am? You telling me you gave my nani away to some punk-ass dude? I’m out here loving you, caring for you and giving you wonderful orgasms, and you want another man?!? Let me ask yo’ ass one question …
… was his thang bigger than mine?!
And there it is ladies, ego is mostly what keeps men from keeping women who cheat on us. We tie so much of our self-worth into our masculinity, and we tie so much of our masculinity into how we “make” our women behave, that being with a woman who deceived us in the worst possible way is a blow our pride can’t easily take. We believe we’re suppose to be real men, who have their women head over heels in love with them, and lay-it-down in the bedroom so strong that she can’t possibly fathom being pleased anywhere else.
But there’s also a fourth reason that is rarely mentioned, so much so that I don’t think it qualifies as one of the three major reasons men find it so hard to take back a cheating woman: We have enough self-respect to realize that we deserve more than a cheating, conniving chick. Instead of women asking, “Why do men find it harder to stay with a woman who cheated?”, maybe more women should ask themselves, “Why do more women find it easier to stay with a guy who cheats?”
LAB
Lincoln Anthony Blades blogs daily on his site ThisIsYourConscience.com, he’s an author of the book “You’re Not A Victim, You’re A Volunteer” and a weekly contributor for UPTOWN Magazine. He can be reached via Twitter @lincolnablades and on Facebook at This Is Your Conscience.