By Vasavi Kumar
Do you find yourself talking to friends and see their gaze drifting away, or even have them cut you off when you are relaying something that has happened in your life?
It’s frustrating to hang around people who can only ever muster up conversations about themselves. The problem is often people are just plain boring, but they don’t realize they are acting that way. And yet sometimes there are clues.
For extroverts, it may be that we are sharing too much information and overwhelming our listeners with details. On the other hand, introverts may not know what to say to engage others in interesting conversations.
Still, not being boring really has nothing to do with being extroverted or introverted. People who are quiet can be powerful connectors. And on the flip side, people who talk a lot may not be interesting.
Not being boring is not just about being entertaining in conversation. It’s about connecting with other people. In essence, it is a state of being. It’s about how you see and experience the world.
There are some simple ways we can all change our way of being to avoid being boring. First, if you don’t want to be boring, don’t be bored. People who are interesting are, simply stated, interested in life. The first step in becoming interesting is getting in touch with what excites you and lights you up.
Here’s an exercise to help you determine if you are really living life passionately or just going through the motions:
Recall – What did you do in the last 24 hours? This exercise will determine how much you actually take in and remember about your day. If your day is boring, you won’t remember much of anything. However if you are passionate and love life, you will remember the details. So what do you remember? What are you noticing? What ideas caught your imagination? What emotions did you have? What turned you on? What left you going, hmm? What emotions are you experiencing right now?
Get passionate – If you’re not passionate, you’re not really alive. If you’re not alive, you’re not very engaging or energetic; you’ll be boring and people will not find value in spending time with you. People aren’t boring just because they’re not passionate – but because they never make themselves do anything. So start by moving out of your comfort zone.
Give – Care about other people. Learn from them. Inquire. Be open to new perspectives and ideas. How do you do that? It’s simple: Go first. Just care about the things you’re not used to caring about. For example, other people. Care more about learning from people and their life experiences. Share and talk with others whose stories you can learn from.
Doing these things makes you passionate because you’re putting yourself through what is hard. You’re not doing what most people do – which is to sit there and complain or demand that something happen to you – you’re moving through your own comfort zone and demanding more from yourself. This automatically makes you feel more. It moves you from being boring to being passionately alive.
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Vasavi Kumar describes herself as “your kick-in-the-pants guide en route to your desired destination.” With an out-of-the-box, rebellious approach, she inspires people to find freedom from their past to take charge of their future. A certified life coach, Vasavi holds dual master’s degrees in social work and special education. She’s co-author of the bestselling book Succeeding in Spite of Everything, and appears on TV as the “Keepin’ It Real Guru” on Kansas City Live. Learn more at VasaviKumar.com.
