Whenever I have conversations with my single lady friends, at some point in the night the discussion will inevitably head down the path of inquiring what men truly want in relationships. And to be honest, it’s a fair question. There are so many blogs, magazines, TV shows, and books attempting to answer this question, yet they are failing so miserably that many women are left searching for an all-inclusive answer — that doesn’t exist. I’m definitely not going to act as if I have some magical solution to this query, but, as a man, I will let women know one thing I’m definitely sure of: No matter how great you are in bed, good sex alone won’t make a man elevate your status to wife, if he didn’t see you as that before you got it in.
Whenever I talk about relationships with my homegirls, they put far too high of a premium on how much men truly care about sex. Now I’m not saying that sex isn’t important to most men, but I’m definitely stating that sex is never the deciding factor on what constitutes high-quality in a potential life partner. It doesn’t matter if that man is a virgin who’s saving himself for marriage, or if he’s the biggest player in the city, both types of men will never use sex as a sole measure of their future wife’s worth.
Why you ask?
Because your vagina is NOT what makes you special.
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Now I don’t mean that in a disrespectful way, because I truly hope your nani is precious to you. But, to a man who is interested in seriously dating a woman and has marriage on his mind, the most special part about you has nothing to do with your body – it’s your soul that counts. That may sound like a Hallmark card to you, but it’s the 100 percent truth.
What makes you different than other women, and what makes you unique and extraordinary is your personality, your sense of humor, your wit, your drive, your ambition, and your spirit. What makes him elevate you over other women is dependent on how you treat one another and the quality of your distinctive chemistry — not how you throw it back or the depth of your throat.
Once again, I’m not saying that the physical element of a relationship is less important than the emotional and mental elements; I’m simply saying the physical side does not take precedence in the mind of a man. Unless the dude you’re dating is a virgin, chances are he’s had a good amount of sexual experiences in his lifetime, and the sex he’s having with you is similar to sex he’s had with another woman (which I’m sure is the same for women too). There’s only but so many positions in the Kama Sutra, so chances are very slim that you will end up doing some freaky ish he’s never done with anyone before. But that’s cool for most men because what makes the sex amazing is you. Hell, women underrate how great it is for a man to be able to go to sleep right after sex without thinking to himself: “Damn, I hope she don’t think she’s sleeping over here!” or “Please, please, PLEASE don’t ask me where this is going!”
As a man, the main thing we’re looking for is companionship, and although I won’t pretend to know exactly what women think, I believe it’s fair to say that both sexes are closely aligned in that manner. Although it’s fashionable in many circles to paint all men as mindless troglodytes with nothing more than sex on the brain, the reality is that many grown-ass men are looking for a good woman to build a life with – and her “goodness” is determined by a helluva lot more than what happens between the sheets.
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P.S. Ladies, let me leave you with this one final nugget: Grown men don’t determine how good you are in based on how talented you are, but how open you are to pleasing him and allowing him to please you.
[Image: Shutterstock]
