By Tracy Clayton
Tired of hearing about Beyoncé? Too bad! Just as we’re getting over the Lip-Syncing-Scandal-That-Shouldn’t-Have-Been-a-Scandal-At-All after Beyoncé shut us up at a live press conference, it is now time to talk til we’re blue in the face about her upcoming Super Bowl Half-time performance this Sunday, Feb. 3.
There have been lots of whispers and rumors about what the show will include, and nobody seems to have a good handle on what’s going down. But we here at UPTOWN have an amazing behind-the-scenes connection, who has given us the scoop, and we love you enough to spill a little tea for you. Here’s what we know:
1. Beyoncé will be there. After the lip-syncing scandal that shouldn’t have been a scandal at all, there were rumors that Beyoncé would appear via pre-recorded hologram, since that’s apparently the type of thing she’s on these days. But our mole has assured us that yes, she will be there, and no, there will be no body-syncing.
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2. Destiny’s Child will also be there. There’s been much speculation about Destiny’s Child performing at the Super Bowl for the first time in a month of Sundays. When asked about whether this was true, the red-headed stepchild Michelle Williams replied in the negative, saying that she’d be appearing in Fela! The Musical that day. But then the Fela! people were like, “Nuh uh, she don’t work here!” We initially thought she’d been fired on her day off, but our snitch confirmed that Destiny’s Child will be there. Michelle is scheduled to fall off the stage in the middle of the first number while Beyoncé and Kelly keep dancing. LeToya and Latavia will be there as well–Latavia will be babysitting Deréon, and LeToy will busy herself trying to remind people who she is.
3. Blue Ivy Will perform! You read that right! Saint Ivy will embark on her maiden voyage as an entertainer, performing a few songs from her debut album The BlueIvy Print. She’ll enter by parachuting down to the stage in a platinum, chinchilla-lined bassinet wearing baby Jordan heels and a leather fringe peplum onesie designed by Memaw Tina. Her set list–which we snagged a copy of–is as follows:
- “Blueivylicious”
- “Can I Get A (Waah Waah)”
- “Bibs, Bibs, Bibs”
- “Single Babies (Put A Crib On It)”
- “Ain’t No Nipple”
4. A Presidential appearance. To close out the performance, President Barack Obama will come out at the end to lip sync Beyoncé’s “Who Run the World” as an added “eff you” for all the bellyaching you people did about her Inauguration anthem.
We can’t wait!
