By R. Alexander Sumner; Photography by Karl Ferguson
Fortunately, men are now becoming more proactive in making choices for themselves and their half of the wedding party. They are now taking greater ownership over their sense of style and a woman having executive power over her man’s sartorial picks, both in purchasing and in what specifically is worn, has waned. From collaborating on the rehearsal dinner to crafting the look of the wedding party, there are several ways for a groom to participate and co-create the nuptial experience.
Partners in Shine
As much as a wedding is her big day (and it truly is!), it’s also a day when the bride and groom both are co-hosting an incredible event and thusly both should be involved in planning. No bride-to-be should dominate the ball.
I let my wife, Isha, take the reins with key events, as her touch is impeccable, yet we discuss crucial areas before pulling any triggers. Wedding planning can serve as a testing ground for a couple’s future decision-making processes. I’ve found that most couples inclined to see the wedding cooperatively invariably come back to me lauding the experience.
Pre-Gaming
The Rehearsal Dinner is an oft-overlooked event when it comes to planning. The wedding day ensemble takes such precedence that the sentiment is typically, “Oh, we are going all out for the wedding, so what shall we wear to the rehearsal dinner the night before?” Keep it relaxed. Perhaps everyone wears a bow tie of a specific fabric and/or color. Dinner jackets and jeans with sneakers for everyone can be jubilant.
All About The Benjies
Money, money, money! This should be the overarching concentration when making plans for ALL parties. Remember that you’ve likely asked your guests to travel to the wedding, perhaps pay for accommodations, purchase a gift and now dress the part as a bridesmaid, maid of honor, best man or groomsman. It would be magical in pictures to have everyone dressed to the nines in couture dresses and custom tuxes, but the key, unquestionably, is budget.
Living within your means is critical for both the big day and beyond. Know your audience. Know your finances. There is never a need to create undue stress. Having style is not contingent upon having (or spending) money. Internalize this!
The date, time of the year and location are essentially intertwined in regards to styling. If it’s a New England wedding in early October, then white trousers and a navy blazer for the groomsmen after Labor Day is a definite no-no, but if the wedding is in Miami, or Costa Rica where it is warm all year round…a definite yes.
Color Me Bad
If you are asking groomsmen to buy a suit or blazer for the wedding, then navy, grey or black will all work perfectly for the big day—as well as in their closet for other events—as opposed to forcing them into purchasing lime green suits to match the bridesmaids’ dresses or because it’s the groom’s favorite color (unfortunately, both are true scenarios).
Go with traditional color palettes. Versatility, a classic aesthetic and color consistency always win. Think visually of framing the bride and groom so that in pictures the focus is on them as well as the individuals in the wedding party. It’s not an editorial shoot where the ensembles are the story. It’s about the wearer and keeping it simple. There can be interesting details such as matching a tie to the bridesmaids’ dresses for a connection or opting for bold socks which may accentuate color and strike a balance between the groomsmen and the bridesmaids. However, the eye must gravitate to the couple.
Back To Black
After the food is gone, the band has packed up, the flowers have wilted and the honeymoon is over, all that remains are the pictures. Do it right. Nothing is more regal and classic than black tie. Nothing. Yet, I always encourage grooms to go with the best, most formal and classic approach for themselves. But economics are important. Asking the men to purchase tuxes, which they’ll likely not find that versatile, considering the average man wears a tux three or four times a year, is in most cases inconsiderate and very expensive. Thinking of renting? Absolutely not!
Framing is also of consequence. Visualize the wedding party in a semi-circle with the bride and bridesmaids arcing out to the left and the groom and groomsmen to the right. Do bridesmaids ever wear the same color or silhouette as the bride? Then why in the world do men wear the same suit, color or silhouette as the groom? In that case the only distinction is a different type of flower on the lapel. It’s an unbalanced approach.
At the very least: choose a different color. If the gents wear black tuxes, then the groom should don a distinctive blue tux. If the groom sports his black tux, then the groomsmen should go with a navy or grey suit. My favorite: a navy blazer paired with grey or red trousers. For summer, perhaps white trousers. Frame the lovely married couple with symmetry and balance.
Keep It Real
Speak to who you are as opposed to making choices that are more about who you wish you were. Warmth and sincerity are the ideal components. Guests need not walk away with critiques on the flowers, reception, clothing choices and the like. They ought to reminisce saying, “There was so much organic love between these two, so much joy and warmth.” I’ve been to breathtaking low-budget weddings. Conversely, I have attended the ritziest affairs that were simply opening ceremonies for divorce. Be authentic. Live honestly. Have a budget and stick to it. Weddings should not be an excuse for couples to dive into debt or for attendees to reach too deeply within their own pockets. Both scenarios sap the joy out of the event.
Sneaking Down The Aisle
Being comfy is key. Forcing anyone to wear heels on sand is absurd, just as rocking sneakers in a church ceremony is silly. But, using sneakers for all of the right economic reasons and to maintain consistency and proper framing is cool. For summer, slipping on Vans or Chuck Taylors can be a fun and prudent way to go. Some 35 years ago, I wore a vintage tux and pink high-top Cons to my Senior Prom. It spoke to who I was, what I could afford and how I wanted to express that. Be yourself, but don’t break all the rules; I still wore a tux and bow tie!
Get Fit
When it comes to suiting, fit is it. Without fit, you ain’t got it! Women already get this and men are beginning to recognize the need to subsume their desire for comfort with a willingness to think as women do when they wear heels: no pain, no gain. Donning an ill-fitting garment will get you absolutely no love, save for the salesman who duped you into buying it. A suit from Zara that fits wonderfully is $200 well spent.
Party Time
The wedding ceremony is formal; therefore, by nature it’s rather ritualistic and stiff. For the reception your role changes. You are an emcee and guests will follow your lead. Taking your blazer off and rolling up your sleeves is a great start. But, the greatest transformation occurs when the groom changes into a dinner jacket or a vibrant, fun blazer. This dramatic change signals the shift to party time. Taking off one’s socks or throwing on a great pair of sneakers also speaks volumes!
R. Alexander Sumner is a clothing designer and founder of menswear line Alexander Nash.