By Franny Crooks
VH1 is on the fifth season of “Love & Hip Hop: New York” and for some reason we thought that the individual relationships of the cast couldn’t get any worse than Tahiry Jose snubbing a marriage proposal from her on-again-off-again boyfriend Joe Budden, or Erica Mena was dating girlfriend Cyn Santana, while still looking for love with Rich Dollaz, or Tara Wallace finding out her then-boyfriend Peter Gunz got married behind her back. Boy, were we wrong! With some new cast members on the scene, there are new trials and tribulations on the love front. We’re talking about children being labeled pets, fake business trips, and faulty acts of birth control — all in the name of love. There are a lot of similarities between each of the relationships, but like everything else on LHHNY, there are levels to this sh*t. Let’s do some analyzing and see who reigns supreme when it comes to overdoing it in the name of love — or hate, as is often the case on LHHNY.
We Luh the Kids
This season, there is a lot going on when it comes to the cast and their children, and in some cases, the lack thereof. They either have kids, are having kids, or are trying to have a kid. But no matter what, the way they’re playing the kiddie card is a bust.
First up, you have the infamous love triangle between Amina Buddafly, Peter Gunz, and Tara Wallace. This season, the cameras capture Amina expecting her first child with Peter, who is still trying to win back to his ex, Tara. Amina admits that he doesn’t come home to her at night, which Peter also admits, but credits his disappearance to spending time with his other children and also working in the studio. Scene after scene, Peter is googly eyeing Tara, kissing her up, and doing his best to show her that he is still interested in being with her, regardless of the fact that he has a baby on the way with his WIFE. Peter! Peter! Peter! How long will you use your children to have your cake and eat it too? The answer to that is however long Tara will allow him to do so. Just because he is the father of your children does not mean he has to spend the night and play house with you, especially when you know the situation he has at home. Proudly though, Tara finally let Peter know that he needs to just be there for his children and let her live her life. Does he do that? I guess we have to tune in to the reunion special to find out.
We Luh the Kids (cont’d)
Next at bat regarding questionable parenting decisions are the two new rookies of the cast, aspiring model Diamond Strawberry and CEO/ producer Cisco Rosado. Nothing good can ever come from hiding or denying your children while in a relationship. And they both did this! After dating for two years, Diamond finally decided to come clean and let Cisco know that she has a 6-year-old daughter, to which he replied, “You lied and told me your daughter is your dog.” YES!!! Diamond told Cisco that when she referenced her “dog,” she was actually referring to her daughter. Saying your child is your dog? Can it get more shameful than that? Cisco in turn comes clean to Diamond about his 6-month-old son. If you’re good at math, then you have already put two and two together to make out that his baby was conceived while they were in a relationship. What’s worst, lying about your daughter being a dog or acting like you didn’t have a newborn while in a separate relationship? You all can decide.
We Luh the Kids (cont’d)
Finally for the home run, are Chrissy Monroe and her boo thang Chink Santana. These two actually make a decent couple when you weed out all the baggage, but when you do that, you are only left with a cute couple. Chink is married with children but abandoned that situation to nurture his new relationship with Chrissy. Episode after episode, Chrissy expresses her love for Chink and dire need to start a family, which Chink gracefully let’s her know that he is not ready. You have to respect the man for being honest. Yet, Chrissy had other plans in mind. In casual conversation, she tells Chink that she has not taken her birth control for over three weeks. Rightfully so, Chink was irate. You can’t just get off the pill and not tell your lover, especially if there is no other form of birth control being used. Understandably, Chrissy knows what she wants, but in this instance, by any means necessary is not the right way to go about it.
Mixing Business and Pleasure
Business deals between the stars of LHHNY have been proven to never end well. We’ve seen clothing lines go sour, music deals go silver-plated, and even autobiographies get read for filth. So what do you think would happened when lovebirds Erica Mena and Cyn Santana decided to start their own clothing line, HER? Let’s just say that by the fifth episode, Cyn finds out from their mutual business partner that Erica has been keeping all the profit from the business to herself (no pun intended). Cyn felt betrayed but that did not stop her from making her next move. She, then, meets with Erica’s ex-boyfriend/manager Rich Dollaz and asks if he can work with her to do a song. He agrees to do it if Cyn agrees to be the face of his new liquor line. Who knew Cyn could even sing and who knew Rich was a liquor entrepreneur? Now with Rich and Cyn officially business partners, that leaves plenty of room for everyone to place their bets on whether these business arrangements will prove profitable.
Mixing Business and Pleasure (cont’d)
At least Cyn and Rich are actually working on something, which is far from what we can say about Peter Gunz and his imaginary business trips and deals. Yes, you read that right. A grown man making up whole business trips in his head in order to further his creeping career? While Amina was nine months pregnant, Peter decided that it was the perfect time to go on a family trip to try to win back Tara. Peter even went the extra mile to call Amina while on the trip and sadly sketched out lies about waiting for a photographer to start his photo shoot for the fake energy drink that he’s supposedly representing. With all the sense there is in the world to have, why on earth would Amina believe that any company would want Peter to be the face of their energy drink? How does he fit in with an energy drink brand? No judgment. After their sons were fast asleep, Peter decided to surprise Tara with a romantic candlelit dinner that soon turned into the wrath of hell. Tara let Peter have it at that dinner table, spewing out her feelings and all the facts about how he really treated her terribly to point in which she left the table mumbling, “I don’t feel comfortable.” As if he should? I bet Peter won’t be going on any Magic School Bus trips anytime soon.
Functional Dysfunction
No matter how dysfunctional these relationships seem to all of the viewers, they work for all of those living in them. We all may squint at our screens trying to make sense of it all, but can’t seem to quite make it out. How can they proceed to live as if this is normal? Well, for them, it is. Everyone, except for Yandy Smith, has their favorite pair of messy boots that they like to wear and some are muddier than the others. But at the end of the day, we all can learn a valuable lesson from watching these relationships play out and that is the valuable lesson on what not to do while in a relationship. You have to give them at least that credit. Thank you “Love & Hip Hop: New York”!