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Falling In Love vs. Standing In It: The Ingredients You Need For A Successful Relationship

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couple standing

In days past, I was a young girl who had yet to experience her first love or her first heartbreak. The level of idealism I possessed primed me to be swayed by almost any and every artistic aspect of romance – movies, novels, sonnets by Elizabeth Barrett Browning, and the like. One of my all-time favorite movies back in the day was Love Jones,  among the first cinematic expressions of love and relationships between Black folk I remember seeing. I still recall getting a VHS copy from my uncle who visited from New Jersey – one watch, and I was hooked.

Isaiah Washington’s character, Savon, had a particular line that stuck with me from the very first viewing:

You guys are always hoppin’ and fallin’ in love. Love ain’t what it is. It’s easy to fall in love, but will someone, please, tell me how to stay there?

It initially struck me because my naive self couldn’t understand it, then later struck me for its truth once I was a bit older and wiser. Where I once thought that falling in love was the difficulty, I now see Savon’s point – standing and staying in it is where the real work lies.

Regardless of your thoughts on celebrity relationships, many of us were stunned when news of Paula Patton and Robin Thicke’s separation surfaced. For a couple that had been together since their teen years, and who seemed to have carved out a marriage style that worked for them, many were surprised by the split. I immediately thought of my own current relationship – a few years of dating followed by nearly 3 years of marriage – and Savon’s quote came ringing back.

There are the never-ending thinkpieces on single women, single men, and why people can’t find the partner they desire. The Carrie Bradshaw-Mr. Big revolving door relationships that seem much more glamorous on TV than in real life. The common jokes about “the old ball and chain” or warnings about the woes of settling down.

So many components play into the imbalanced focus on falling in love vs. staying in it – so what’s the gameplan once you’ve locked down that new paramour and are trying to solidify things for the long haul? Two key points come to mind:

Photo credit: Shutterstock

Effort Is Required

The world doesn’t stop once you’ve found that special someone and have made the decision to enter a committed relationship – that’s where you reach the next level of effort. The way I see it, it shouldn’t be a trial to love the person you’re with – but as Tina Turner says, when it comes to maintaining a relationship, “What’s love got to do with it?”

Did date nights slow to a halt once you “settled down?” Did you start taking gestures like sweet notes and calls “just because” for granted once you became committed? Do you feel like maintaining the components that initially satisfied physical/sexual attraction are no longer necessary because you “got ‘em”? Getting ‘em is one thing, but keeping ‘em is another – and effort is what helps most relationships to flourish instead of fizzle.

Also – think about the phrase “settle down” for a minute. We’re constantly urged to never settle for less than we deserve, but we then use that very word to proudly proclaim our new taken status. Settling down may have a different definition to you, but in my love life it’s equalled an obstacle to effort that neither partner felt urged to hurdle. It’s represented the worst sort of comfort – the kind that resembles laziness in the light of day. I made the decision in my current relationship to never settle down – instead, we stir it up by working to maintain the same level of fun, consistency, and attention that we did during the dating phase.

happy couple

Like vs. Love

Another key to standing and staying in love is to actually like your partner. Do you genuinely like your partner as a person? Do you respect their values? Do you enjoy their presence?

These questions might sound a bit nonsensical, but when you think of the number of people who stay in relationships devoid of actually liking each other simply for familiarity…they make sense. What do you have if you don’t even have a mutual respect and admiration for each other, separate of romantic love? Generally, nothing worth keeping. You can like someone without loving them (an acquaintance), and you can love someone without liking them (that family member with whom you have a complex relationship with) – however, some of the best romantic relationships are between people who both like and love each other.

Liking your partner plays a major role in navigating the ebbs and flows of love as well. Even the most valiant of efforts to maintain a full relationship can be met with life’s curveballs – work schedules, financial stress, illness, and more – and the glue that holds things together isn’t always love. Sometimes it’s simply the fact that you like this person so much that you’re willing to fight through to get to the other side.

As Savon said in Love Jones, standing in love is often much more difficult than falling in it. In food terms, falling in love is just the appetizer. Staying in love in a committed relationship is like the entrée that tastes best with equal parts intention, effort, respect, and love – and without one of these crucial ingredients, you’ll never get to enjoy dessert.

Photo credit: Shutterstock


Zoe Saldana to Star in Eartha Kitt Biopic?

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Eartha Kitt Biopic
Zoe Saldana
may be Hollywood’s new go-to-girl when casting biopics. The rumor mill is buzzing that Saldana is in talks to play the lead in an Eartha Kitt biopic.

35-year-old actress Saldana would tackle the title role in the film about Kitt’s rise to fame and her illustrious career, which spanned over 60 years until her death in 2008. The actor, singer, dancer and activist with the instantly recognizable voice took over replaced Julie Newmar  as Catwoman in the Batman television series. In the 60s, she faced a professional setback when voiced opposition about the Vietnam war at a White House luncheon during Lyndon B. Johnson’s presidential term. Her career flourished in the 90s, with a guest starring role in Boomerang alongside Eddie Murphy.

The project is in early development and could take years to bring to the screen considering the usual legal tangles associated with making biopics. Kitt wrote three autobiographies before her death in December 2008. Her music also made a splash on the Billboard charts and with organizations she supported to bring awareness to the HIV/AIDS epidemic.

Saldana portrays Nina Simone in an upcoming biopic Nina and is attached to Kill The Trumpet Player a film about the life of jazz musician Miles Davis.

“It did sting for a bit that a community that you feel most identified with would have such a negative backlash and you’re at the epicenter of it all. It was very disappointing,” she said when asked about portraying Nina Simone.

Saldana has not confirmed the talks or responded to the backlash from being considered to play the icon. After all, she could be too busy preparing for her role as Rosemary Woodhouse in the television mini-series version of Rosemary’s Baby. She’ll play Gamora in Guardians of the Galaxy and will also reprise her role as princess Neytiri in the Avatar sequel and forthcoming franchise.

First Look: Terry McMillan’s A Day Late and a Dollar Short Movie f. Whoopi, Anika, Mekhi [VIDEO]

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Terry McMillan A Day Late and a Dollar Short Movie
Lifetime Television will premiere A Day Late and a Dollar Short, starring Whoopi Goldberg, Ving Rhames, Anika Noni Rose, Mekhi Phifer, Tichina Arnold and Kimberly Elise on April 19th at 8pm.

Terry McMillan’s New York Times bestseller revolves around the Price family matriarch Viola Price, played by Whoopi, who wakes up in the hospital after suffering from an asthma attack and decides she has to get her family in order or all hell will break loose.  Viola will tackle her family’s issues of prescription drug addiction, teenage pregnancy, divorce and other life challenges three generations of Prices are facing. Leading up to the release of the film, Lifetime has released a preview of the upcoming film which shows the dysfunctional family in action.


A Day Late… will reunite Whoopi and McMillian who worked together to bring her novel “How Stella Got Her Groove Back” to box offices in 1998, igniting Taye Diggs‘ movie career.  Whoopi also earned an executive producing credit on the project. She has previously worked with Lifetime Network on other movies. 

McMillan previously was in talks to bring a sequel to the cult classic Waiting to Exhale to the screen with the original stars Angela Bassett, Loretta Devine, Lela Rochon and Whitney Houston based on the novel Getting to Happy. Since Houston’s passing in 2011, the movie is said to be going through rewrites.

“They’re still writing. One of our original producers, from the first “Exhale,” is on board. So that’s a good sign, but they’re still working on the script. It’s just how to deal with it [Whitney’s loss]. And probably the best way to deal with it is just deal with it. It’s like what happens in life, in a way. Life is about life in passing, living and dying, winning and losing. So that’s what I know so far,” Bassett told Hufington Post last year.

How To Get Kim Kardashian’s Vogue Cover Look

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Just how did Kim Kardashian get that flawless skin on the cover of Vogue? Before you start talking the magic of Photoshop, watch the behind the scenes video. HD doesn’t lie, honey.

Well we asked friends at our favorite go-to-beauty resource for women of color – DooBop - and they shared 5 tips for a winter skin recharge:

Just in from their heavily curated product collection, is a round up of award-winning products you should know about to help things along.

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For winter ravaged skin, think Caudalie’s Divine Oil or Skin Regimen’s Hydra Pro-Booster. And for naturalistas, Leonor Greyl’s Lait Luminescence – aka the ultimate detangler.

Should you fancy any of DooBop’s exclusive European face serums, limited edition makeup, ultra nourishing hair masques and beyond, use discount code UPTOWNVIP for 10% off all DooBop purchases (of $25 or more) through December 31, 2014. You’ll also get free shipping plus 2 free product samples.

And, then get ready to give good face.

Men Have No Idea Who Should Pay On A First Date

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UPTOWN_couple_on_dateCourtesy of YourTango

When I first started dating my boyfriend nearly four years ago, I didn’t really think much of the fact that he’d picked up the tab in the wake of our first dinner date. Granted, we’d been friends for a while, so it felt more like a pizza-and-beer filled catch up than an awkward first get-to-know-you-while-avoiding-anything-that-could-make-me-look-ugly-like-spaghetti tryst for two. Fast forward four years later and now I pick up the dinner checks — not because he can’t afford it (because he can), but out of a sheer desire to fight the system that, quite literally fed me.

But do guys feel the same way? Do they want women to comp the first meal — or do they expect to go halvsies?

Turns out, they have no clue what to do.

“I wouldn’t let a girl pay.”
Josh, 33, says that it has nothing to do with old-world traditions and everything to do with being a gentleman. “I don’t think I’d ever let a girl pay, unless I was taking out a friend. On a date, I like paying. It’s a nice gesture. If I were a girl, I don’t think I’d go out again with a guy who expected me to pay on the first go around.”

Keep reading on YourTango

Read more from our partner YourTango:

Celebrity Sex: 15 Stars Who’ve Played Porn Stars

Boyfriend Hunt: How To Use Technology To Find Real Love

8 Modern Dating Rules Every Single Should Know

[Image: Shutterstock]

Anna Wintour Defends Kim Kardashian & Kanye West ‘Vogue’ Cover

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Courtesy of Cocoa Fab

Anna Wintour Kanye WestKim Kardashian and Kanye West may be celebrating their Vogue cover, but plenty of people have been put off by their big score.

The magazine’s infamous Editor-In-Chief, Anna Wintour, is biting back at critics and defending her decision to place her famous friends on the coveted cover.

She also took time to shoot down reports that Yeezus begged her to put Kim on the cover.

Check out her official statement:

“Part of the pleasure of editing Vogue, one that lies in a long tradition of this magazine, is being able to feature those who define the culture at any given moment, who stir things up, whose presence in the world shapes the way it looks and influences the way we see it. I think we can all agree on the fact that that role is currently being played by Kim and Kanye to a T. (Or perhaps that should be to a K?)

Continue here…

Mekhi Phifer Ready For Al Green Biopic

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Mehki PhiferCourtesy of Sister 2 Sister

Music artists are often the subjects of big-screen biopics like Ray and the upcoming Marvin Gaye and Jimi Hendrix movies, and Mekhi Phifer wouldn’t mind bringing another legendary singer’s life to film.

“I’ve always been an avid fan of Al Green. I would love to do the Al Green story,” Mekhi recently told Sister 2 Sister. “I think his story is a very intriguing one and when you talk about a character arc… His story is the ultimate character arc to me.”

Though he doesn’t consider himself much of a singer, Mekhi said he wouldn’t shy away from taking vocal lessons to pull off the role and play the “Let’s Stay Together” singer himself.

Continue here…

‘Oprah Chai Tea’ To Debut At Starbucks

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Oprah Chai Tea

Alcoholic beverages won’t be the only new offerings on Starbucks’ menu.

Earlier this week, Oprah Winfrey made an appearance at the coffee giant’s shareholders meeting in Seattle to announce a new drink called “Teavana Oprah Chai Tea.” CEO Howard Schultz said the beverage would become available at Starbucks and Teavana stores nationwide beginning April 29.

Proceeds from the drink will be donated to the Oprah Winfrey Leadership Academy Foundation, which supports the educational efforts of disadvantaged students in South Africa and abroad.

Oprah Chai team will also head to Canadian stores soon.


Evelyn Lozada Gives Birth To Baby Boy

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Evelyn Lozada

Evelyn Lozada‘s little boy has arrived.

OK! magazine reports the “Basketball Wives” star turned baseball fiancé welcomed her second child early Saturday morning via a natural birth. She and new father Carl Crawford have yet to reveal the baby’s name, but he reportedly weighed in at 8lbs, 21 inches.

Sources say the couple are excited for the new addition to their family.

Lozada already plays mother to daughter Shaniece from a previous relationship. She and Crawford announced their engagement back in December; the reality star was presented with a 14.5-carat emerald cut diamond ring.

Congratulations to the couple!

T.I. And Tiny Pay Homage To ‘The Cosby Show’ [VIDEO]

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T.I. & Tiny Family Hustle

Courtesy of Sister 2 Sister

T.I. and Tiny are paying tribute to another famous TV family in the new promo for season 4 of “T.I. & Tiny: The Family Hustle.”

Just call them the Hip Hop Huxtables!

T.I., Tiny and all of ther kids are busting a move to some jazzy tunes just like Bill Cosby did in the iconic opening sequence for “The Cosby Show.” Somehow we don’t think Bill and Claire would have had the same swag as the Harrises, but this was still super cute. Major, Deyjah, King, Domani, Messiah and Zonnique really got a chance to shine and show their personalities in the clip.

Check out the video here…

6 Easy Ways To Spring Clean Your Life

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Spring CleaningCourtesy of Elev8

Spring is here! Warmer air, more sunshine, and more opportunities to get out of the house and enjoy the inspiring beauty of nature. And ice cream!

After a long, and sometimes brutal, few months of snow, ice, bitter temperatures and cabin fever to the extreme, now is the perfect time time to take a few moments to truly prepare yourself for everything the warmer months have to offer you. Detoxifying your life can help encourage a more positive outlook, as well as help you sleep better, eat better, have more energy and less allergy symptoms, and enjoy an overall feeling of health and happiness.

Here are some spring-worthy tips to try:

1. Clean Your Home

Household clutter can add stress to your life. So do a thorough job deep-cleaning your home. Clean the cabinets. Wash those rugs and carpets. Break out a fresh and clean pair of curtains, perhaps in a light and relaxing shade. Clear out anything that you no longer need – this not only includes old newspapers and magazines, but old clothes, pantry items, dishes, furniture, etc. Invite nature into your home by adding some new plants and flowers.

Continue here…

African Pop Star Dencia Defends Whitenicious: ‘White Means Pure’ [VIDEO]

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DenciaNigerian-Cameroonian pop star Dencia is hell-bent on defending her stance behind her controversial skin-bleaching line Whitenicious that claims to help consumers “say goodbye to dark spots.”

In a recent interview, the star squared off against Black Role Models UK founder Phinnah Ikeji to explain why her product was perfectly fine for the well-being and self-esteem for women and young girls.

“White means pure, but it doesn’t mean [skin], but white in general,” she explained when asked about the name. “That’s how I look at it, it means pure. When you have dark spots, a lot of people don’t feel comfortable, they don’t feel pure. They don’t feel clean with dark spots.”

Dencia went on to blame the media about making the conversation over the product center on the deeply rooted skin complex within the African/African-American community. She also addressed Oscar winner Lupita Nyong’o‘s disapproval of bleaching creams such as Whitenicious, stating that it was her choice to lighten her skin.

Ikeji chimed in saying, “I’m an adult so I’ve already made up my choice. I’m happy with my skin color, but we’re looking at the young girls growing up now. They see you, they love your music. They love you as a person and they’ve seen that you were darker before and now you’re much lighter. What’s the message that it’s going to be to them?”

Check out the entire interview below.

Norm Lewis Becomes First Black ‘Phantom of the Opera’ Lead

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Norm LewisTony Award nominee Norm Lewis will join Broadway’s “Phantom of the Opera” as the show’s first Black lead after 26 years.

On Thursday, producers of the long-running show announced that the stage vet and “Scandal” actor would make his debut alongside Sierra Boggess on May 12. They noted that he will be the first African-American to play the role.

“I love the show but also to have hopefully set a precedent to see more diversity in casting,” Lewis told The Associated Press.

The thespian’s Broadway credits include “Miss Saigon,” “Les Miserables,” “Chicago,” “Side Show,” “Sondheim on Sondheim,” and “The Gershwins’ Porgy and Bess” (in which he received a Tony nomination), among others.

To date, “Phantom ” has played to more than 130 million people in 27 countries and grossed more than $5.6 billion worldwide.

Halle Berry’s Lifetime Of Men & Heartbreak

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One of the most desirable women on the planet, Halle Berry, has rarely been lucky in love, but that hasn’t stopped her from trying in vain to change her pattern.

Recently, rumors began circulating that her marriage with Olivier Martinez is on the rocks. The couple were wed during the summer of 2013 in France after a one-year engagement, and their son Maceo Robert Martinez was born in November of the same year. Although the couple should be enjoying the newlywed phase of their marriage, the rumor mill says Olivier has been sleeping over a friend’s house, and they are getting closer to a divorce.

The media tends to throw shade on Halle because how can one of the most desirable women in the world have so much relationship baggage? Everything from custody battles to Olivier beating up her daughter Nahla Aubry‘s father, has played out in the media to Halle’s embarrassment we’re sure. This time around, Olivier allegedly claims that Halle is too focused on her work and losing the baby weight, instead of their family. While Halle reportedly maintains that Olivier isn’t being civil, and she doesn’t want him in the house until he can be. Even though both of their representatives are denying the possibility of a divorce, it doesn’t negate the fact that there is trouble in paradise.

This isn’t the first time that drama has surrounded Halle’s love life and it probably won’t be the last. (She, like us, is human after all.) So let’s take a look back at “Halle Berry’s Lifetime of Men & Heartbreak” in the hopes that we can learn from her mistakes and those of her beaus.

(To keep the list short and accurate, we eliminated the rumors and only included confirmed connections.)

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John Ronan

From 1987 to 1991, one of the sexiest women on Earth dated a dentist from Chicago. During their relationship, Ronan gave Halle around $80,000 that he tried to win back in court – to no avail. He is still a dentist and Halle is shooting the newest installment of the X-Men film franchise, X-Men: Days of Future Past.

[Image: Rollingout]

Danny Wood

In 1989, Halle dated New Kids On The Block member Danny Wood, when he was sporting his rat tail and soaking in the limelight. He reportedly broke up with her because the band thought that she was a groupie. I think we can all see whose career is still going strong through the years. Danny – you lost.

[Image: NY Daily News]

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Spike Lee

While on the set of Jungle Fever and her breakout role of a crackhead, Halle dated the famous director in 1991. Spike was hesitant to cast her in the role because he thought that she was too beautiful to play a crack addict.

[Image: Movpins]

Wesley Snipes

In 1991, Wesley and Halle had a relationship that can only be described as a little less than torrential. Wesley was allegedly physically abusive and had beaten her so badly that she lost hearing in one ear, but it’s still not clear whether he injured her in this way or if it was another of Halle’s exes, Christopher Williams.

[Image: VibeVixen]

Eddie Murphy

On the set of Boomerang, Eddie and Halle’s on-screen romance filtered into real life and they dated in 1991.

[Image: IMDb]

Christopher Williams

From 1991 to 1992, Halle and Christopher, a musician/singer who recently appeared on The Real Housewives of Atlanta, were an item. He is assumed to be the unnamed boyfriend that she claims abused her. Christopher, however, claims that Halle’s relationship problems stem from issues with her personality.

[Image: VibeVixen]

David Justice

Halle’s marriage to David, a former American outfielder and Major League Baseball player, was a bicoastal relationship that lasted four years. The couple’s relationship ended in 1997 with her filing a restraining order against him, after he reportedly demanded information about her previous relationships.

[Image: HollywoodGossip]

Larenz Tate

The Why Do Fools Fall In Love co-stars got closer while filming the movie in 1997 and dated after Halle’s break up with David Justice.

[Image: IMDb]

Shemar Moore

Shemar claims to have fallen hard for Halle when they dated in 2001. He calls her a “tough cookie” and always has good things to say about her. He proves that Halle can’t be all that bad.

[Image: Shemarphotos]

Eric Benet

Halle’s four-year relationship with the singer was probably one of the most publicized. Their marriage ended with Eric in sex rehab, after he reportedly slept with 10 women while married to Halle. Fans still don’t understand. Who is crazy enough to cheat when he has a woman like Halle Berry at home?

[Image: MSNEntertainment]

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Michael Ealy

The two met while filming Their Eyes Were Watching God and were dating exclusively for a year from 2004 to 2005. After the relationship, Halle was adamant on never being married again and Michael added himself to the list of Halle’s exes who assert that she is not crazy. In fact, he said, they are still good friends.

[Image: Albany]

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Gabriel Aubry

Finally in 2006, Halle learned that dating her co-stars or bosses probably isn’t the best idea. She dated model Gabriel for five years after meeting him at a Versace store opening. Gabriel, who took three years to get over the failed relationship, is the father of Halle’s first child, Nahla. He received a restraining order after pushing a nanny who was carrying Nahla at the time. But this is only a smattering of the public heat surrounding their custody battle. Halle reportedly said, “You were only good for one thing. Thanks for the donation,” of their relationship. Although that statement is pretty harsh, we’re sure it stung more than Halle’s current beau, Oliver, pummeling Gabriel’s face.

[Image: People]

Can This Easy Step Fight Breast Cancer?

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Eat well, watch your weight, do self-exams once a month and get regular mammograms – these are the well-known basics for detecting and surviving breast cancer. But according to a new study, there’s something else that needs to be added to that list.

Read more at Elev8.


Woman Poses As A Minor Online For Sex, Gives Boy STD

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Woman Preys on Minor, Gives STDA 23-year-old Arizona woman is accused of posing as a 15-year-old girl and engaging in sexual conduct with minors, which resulted in giving one minor an STD.

Anna Areola-Hernandez was arrested and charged for three counts each of suspicion of sexual conduct with a minor, child molestation, unlawful age misrepresentation, and adult posing as a minor for a sexual conduct act.

Sgt. Jay O’Neill, a spokesman for the Glendale Police Department, said detectives had been alerted to an inappropriate and potentially sexual relationship between a 23-year-old woman and an underage boy. The underage boy later turned out to be a 13 year old. Areola-Hernandez met the minor at a Phoenix mall and engaged in sex several times.

Detectives learned through investigation that Areola-Hernandez, who used the screen names “Tiny Hernandez” or “Ana Hernandez,” communicated with minors through texts and social media sites including Facebook, Kik, Snapchat, and Tango. Her profile pics were styled to make herself look younger.

Areola-Hernandez told the boy’s mother that she was pregnant with the minor’s baby during a phone conversation between the two. The child’s mother also commented that Areola-Hernandez gave him a sexually transmitted disease. Her pregnancy has not been confirmed.

When questioned, Areola-Hernandez admitted to having a six-month relationship with the young boy and an unidentified minor. Investigators believe that there may be others that have been in contact with her. They noted she appeared to have remorse when speaking to police about the allegations. She admitted to preferring younger boys rather than men her own age, but did not explain why.

“She looks very young, so it would be very easy for her to pass as a teenager,” Tracey Breeden of the Glendale Police Department said.

Areola-Hernandez is being held without bail because she is seen as a flight risk. Police said she already had arrangements to travel to Mexico where her mother lives.

[Homepage image: Shutterstock]

How I Learned to Stop Chasing Relationships

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uptown chalk heart

In the fourth grade I told Ryan that I liked him…Oh man you guys should have seen him, he was a total cutie pie with blondish brown hair and blue eyes. He liked my friend Summer, but I didn’t care. I liked him, and he rejected me. This actually made me like him even more. I also tried to be more like Summer because a few of the boys liked her, and I figured I’d get their attention by changing myself to be who they want. This is how the vicious cycle of chasing men and relationships began…Let’s just dedicate this post to Ryan shall we?

By the time I reached junior high things had sort of shifted for me. The boy in school that literally every girl liked…liked me! I really, really, thought I was special because he asked me to be his girlfriend. And yes this made all of the girls hate me, but who cares, I had the most popular guy in the eighth grade as my boyfriend and I could care less what they thought.  One day my eighth grade Adonis came up to me and told me that he didn’t think I looked pretty that day. His words were to the effect of, “I don’t understand how you can look so pretty one day and so….the next?” Yup. After that I made sure I washed my face and brushed my teeth each morning with a vigor I never had before. I had to always have perfect hair and make sure my uniform looked pristine because that would keep his attention on me. None of this worked of course as he later dumped me for a girl who put out…damn me and my eighth grade morals.

In high school I chased the guys who made it clear they did not want a relationship. If I liked someone and they did not like me, I would do things to get their attention. Shawn was a prime example of that. I never went on dates or had even been asked to a dance (cue the violins) until around eleventh grade…this is when my cute factor finally decided to show up, but I digress. Shawn always acted like he liked me and would call me (this was of course before texting and we all had pagers at this time) and play my favorite songs for me over the phone. Needless to say I fell completely in love. Well, Shawn was a total douchebag that was calling and playing songs for a few girls, but nevertheless I pursued him. He would at times give me no attention, so of course I gave him all of mine.

Photo credit: Shutterstock

uptown black woman on the phone

Shawn would always say he was going to take me out on a date but would not follow through. Once I ditched school with him and his friends to see a movie, and he told me he had a free movie ticket. Shawn gave the free ticket to his friend, and I had to pay for mine. I still pursued. Then, he finally said he was taking me on a date. I excitedly tell my parents and I end up waiting for him to show up, as he pulls up to my house an hour late I still feel giddy. We didn’t even go anywhere! We hung out at his friend’s house and went to the Santa Monica pier to make-out. Geez I was an idiot.

Accepting crappy and disrespectful behavior from a man is not something I was ever taught to do, it’s something I learned to accept because the attention given to an insecure kid, teenager and eventually young adult woman was something I interpreted as good. If a guy wouldn’t call me or spend time with me I dismissed it as, “He’s busy with school.”, or, “He works late.” Excuses. I accepted what I knew made me unhappy just to keep that person around, which again was completely done out of insecurity. I’m so happy that I grew into an adult who learned to not accept this behavior anymore, but it took me going into my 30′s to get there. Now when I don’t receive a phone call, or he only texts and never puts in effort to make at least one call…I let him go because I know he’s not that into me.

This behavior is often accepted by women, and it makes me so mad! We are so busy setting our sights on the jerk who doesn’t call and only texts, or the guy who clearly does not want to be in a relationship and shows us such through his actions, that we miss out on or think the guy that doesn’t do all of those things is to nice.

Here are some telltale behaviors that I’ve accepted as proof positive hints about romantic interest levels:

  1. If a man/woman only texts you and never calls…they’re not that into you.
  2. If a man/woman only invites you over to his/her house and you don’t do anything together in public…they’re not that into you.
  3. If you give a man/woman your phone number and they do not call you until over one week later…they’re not that into you.
  4. If a man/woman tries to change you…they’re not that into you.
  5. If a man/woman has a new excuse for not calling, texting, spending time with, or being in a monogamous relationship with you…they’re not that into you.
These are obvious life lessons, yet we keep making excuses for such behavior. Chasing someone is something noone should ever have to do! There is a huge difference between showing someone you are interested in them and chasing them. But when someone’s behavior is subtle or a blatant display of disinterest, instead of chasing them thinking change will come…move on. Find someone who will willingly give you the love and attention you deserve.  Straight, no chaser.
Photo credit: Shutterstock

Lil Mo Planning To Marry New, Younger Boyfriend

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Courtesy of Sister2Sister

Lil Mo admits she wasn’t being completely honest with fans who tuned into “R&B Divas: LA” believing she was happily married.

“There was a certain image I wanted to maintain and that’s the face of family because I believe in that,” Lil Mo recently told Philadelphia’s Hot 107.9 radio station. “The image that I put out there, I’ll maintain it until the season is over.”

Lil Mo, is now dating Philly native Karl Dargan who is almost seven years her junior.

Read more at Sister2Sister.

Blueberry Cheesecake Milkshake And Other Fast Food Secrets

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UPTOWN_chick_fil_a_milkshakeCourtesy of Vibe Vixen

Here’s a little known food fact: most fast food restaurants have a secret carte du jour offering. These specialty items don’t live on their regular menu and will never be advertised, but are available to those in the know. Many eateries cater to a loyal consumer base by offering dishes that were either featured for a limited time or inspired by customer requests.

If you’re tired of getting the same coffee at Starbucks or longing for a better food option at Chipotle, take a look at these menu items to try.

Go to Vibe Vixen to check out items like Chick-Fil-A’s Blueberry Cheesecake Milkshake and Panera Bread’s Power Chicken Hummus Bowl.

What Are Penis Pumping Parties?

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UPTOWN_injecting_banana

In the quest for the “perfect body,” men and women often turn to black market cosmetic surgery to enhance their bodies, commonly their breasts and butts. But now men are seeking to augment their penises during penis pumping parties.

Participants in penis pumping parties allow an unlicensed, unqualified individuals to inject non-surgical, silicone-type substances (often Fix-a-flat or tire polish) into their penis, in order to make it appear larger. Transgender males transitioning to female have been known to inject these substances into their chest and buttocks in order to resemble the physique and appearance of an exotic dancer, too. These black market procedures have grown in popularity, but the side effects are long-lasting and often fatal.

Twenty-two-year-old Justin Street, who received a penile enlargement procedure illegally in the apartment of Kasia Rivera, died a day after receiving a silicone injection. Street connected with Rivera, who is not a licensed professional, through an advertisement to have a bigger penis. An investigation determined he died from a silicone embolism from the procedure. Rivera has been charged with manslaughter for the death. Investigators believe others may have been affected by similar unsafe procedures. Street’s mother says she came forward to tell the story, so that other men would avoid having the procedures. She fears there are other men who are suffering in silence while dealing with life-long injuries from penile injections.

The procedures are happening just as often outside of the United States. Doctors in Thailand say 30-40 men are admitted into hospitals after undergoing illegal penis enhancement surgeries.

[Image: Shutterstock]

In 2012, a Thai man was diagnosed with penile cancer years after receiving a black market penile injection of olive oil. The unidentified patient said three years after receiving the procedure the tip of his penis began to show signs of infection, which resulted in him being circumcised. However, the infections were recurring until doctors informed him of the cancer diagnosis. The man may have to have his penis removed to repair the damage done by the procedure.

Stories about penile silicone injections may be minor compared to those about breast, hips, and butt enhancements. Yet 50 percent of men admit they are dissatisfied with their penis size according to Bjui International. The study also concluded that penis size is often not a deal breaker for most women.

“If there were a legitimate method for penile lengthening, Johnson & Johnson or Pfizer would have bought it up and made billions and billions of dollars worldwide,” said Dr. Daniel S. Elliott, an associate professor of urology at the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, NY. “The fact that they don’t means it does not exist.”

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