You’re riding down the street. It’s summertime. Windows are down; bass is turned up. The radio is playing the most popular tracks back to back. “U.E.O.N.O” comes on. Rick Ross’s verse starts. You hear, but don’t listen, and you sing along: “Put molly all up in her champagne, she ain’t even know it/I took her home and enjoyed that, she ain’t even know it.” You know all the words and sing along to that and many other songs, with similarly questionable lyrics that you don’t actually give real attention. You get home and read your local news: “Young man charged with rape after drugging numerous girls with the date rape drug, also known as MDMA (Molly).” “That’s messed up,” you may say, because it is, but you turn on your iPod and choose “U.E.O.N.O.” to begin your Genius playlist without a second thought. Later in the week you go to a lounge with your friends — laughing, joking, and having a good time. You realize someone is missing. You ask where so-and-so is. “You didn’t know? She met a guy at a bar and he drugged her with molly and raped her. She’s fine, now though.” You immediately feel moved to advocate for justice for so-and-so. “U.E.O.N.O.” is playing in the background.

Through all of this you may never take a minute to even draw a connection between the heinousness of the lyrics you sing and the events going on around you be it on the local news or in your backyard. Of course the lyrics don’t make the situations happen but don’t you think it’s ironic how we care more about these situations when they happen close to home versus when we see them on a TV show? It’s also ironic that we praise these artists and their lyrics when they talk about these things that, if they were to happen in our daily lives, would cause a disturbance in our happiness.

[Image: TheEntertainersHub]

Ike and Tina Turner

Popular artists like Beyoncé and Miley Cyrus, role models for women young and old, expose more of their body parts and their twerking abilities than substance, like Beyoncé’s essay on gender equality. Every woman wants to be seen as a respectable lady, and men want their wives, girlfriends, sisters, and daughters to be worthy of respect and treated in kind by others. So why does society bring more attention to the debased elements of mainstream culture that we abhor than those we wish to promote within our communities? Why are we so OK with these women being sexually explicit, publicly, instead of holding them accountable as role models for future generations of women?

A recent Huffington Post article mentioned how Bey brought the Beyhive from “Survivor” to “Independent Woman” to “Irreplaceable” to “Drunk in Love,” citing Jay Z’s Anna Mae and Ike Turner reference. Even though younger generations have no idea what that means, if you were born in the ’80s or earlier you have some inkling of the poster couple for domestic violence, and how hard Tina Turner worked to get out of that relationship and association with Ike. No self-respecting woman wants to be an Anna Mae to any man. So why do we sing along with lyrics that objectify them and denigrate their positions? Being in love or in a healthy relationship, as we are well aware that Beyoncé is, is a beautiful thing. Beyoncé has shown us that all that she flaunts is reserved for her husband and she is not going to stray from her position of a woman demanding and deserving of respect. However, removed from their context, the messages in her songs can be misconstrued by young girls who don’t understand that this mature sensuality she flaunts is to be reserved for a committed situation and not for the world, especially if they want to gain the respect they deserve.

[Image: Strangeline]

It’s not hard to understand why girls are sexually active so early or why they choose to focus on looks and materialism instead of working on their character. It’s not hard to see why young boys objectify women and we have to take extra efforts to encourage them to dress in opposition to the stereotypes that they view in the media, the same media that reports statistics that suggest that there are more young Black men in prisons than college (even though that claim is incorrect). When we who know the difference listen to the radio, the youth, who aren’t mature or old enough to know the difference, listen as well. When we turn on “106th and Park,” they watch, too. Just because we let them listen to the edited version doesn’t stop them from being exposed to the suggestions or from even searching these artists on the web and wanting to emulate them.

Some kids try to grow up too fast, and as members of society who want more for ourselves, we should be more mindful of the messages we allow them and ourselves to be exposed. We say statutory rape is wrong and buy R. Kelly’s albums without a second thought. It is well-known that he knowingly had relations with underage girls (and had the audacity to film it), but no one says he should get help or writes petitions against him. They just keep two-stepping — in the name of love. Just about every rapper talks about committing a wide range of crimes from Scarface to Kanye. Granted, elements of Hip-Hop artists as new age griots include the telling of stories as warnings and also to simply show the artist’s story-telling ability — but there is a difference between creative story telling and glorifying a lifestyle that, in all honesty, is not all peaches and cream. Aren’t we supposed to be taking precautions to promote progression to get out of the hood mentality? We need to start asking ourselves what do we want to focus on — the good or debased elements of life — and how it contributes to morality in our communities.

We as a community and consumers of media have to decide what to focus on and what we expose ourselves to, in order to properly sway the future to a virtuous and productive path exempt from the decrease in respectability we see more of every day. We don’t want a future of pimps, hos, and their lookalikes — we want respectable businessmen and woman and we need to change what we watch and listen to in order to shape our futures in that direction.

[Image: BET]

Linda Perez is currently unable to move or speak due to extensive brain damage caused during a breast augmentation surgery.

Perez, 19, underwent breast augmentation last August in Miami, where she experienced brain damage only an hour into the procedure. The surgery was at an alleged discount, $2,100, at the Coral Gables Cosmetic Center. She fell into a coma for months. Fast forward six months, and Perez is frail and stick thin, barely recognizable, and requires 24-hour care. According to her family, Perez, a mother of one, is aware of her condition and often cries and falls into depression. ”I’m sick that she can’t be like she used to be,” said her mother, Mariela Diaz, to the Miami Herald.

According to an attorney for the cosmetic center, there may have been some past medical problems with Perez that she wasn’t forthcoming about. But the family’s attorney blames the clinic. “A healthy 18 year old should be able to undergo a routine surgical procedure and not end up in a vegetative state,” argues Mark Eiglarsh.

Perez’s family is still holding onto hope, despite the possibility the young woman may never recover. The family is planning to file a medical malpractice suit against Coral Gables Cosmetic Center.

Former “American Idol” contestant Clay Aiken is preparing to run for a seat in Congress, as a Democrat in North Carolina’s 2nd Congressional District.

Aiken, 35, whose rise to fame began in 2003 as an “American Idol” finalist, who ended up losing to America’s teddy bear and ”The Biggest Loser” contestant Ruben Studdard. Via a YouTube video released Wednesday, Aiken unveiled plans to unseat incumbent Republican Renee Ellmers. In a radio interview last week, Ellmers was amused at Aiken’s run for Congress: “As we know, he doesn’t always fare that well. He was runner up.” Aiken will face two candidates in the Democratic primary.

“For most Americans, there are no golden tickets,” Aiken says in the video. “At least not like the kind you see on TV. More families are struggling today than at any time in our history. And here in North Carolina, we’ve suffered more than our share of pain.”

Aiken stressed his upbringing in a single-parent household and job as a special education teacher to explain his desire to serve those who don’t have a voice.

North Carolina is deemed more conservative, as Mitt Romney won 58 percent of the votes in his 2012 presidential bid.

Aside from his singing career and new political venture, Aiken, an openly gay father of one, has appeared on Broadway. He also had a stint on Donald Trump‘s ”Celebrity Apprentice” in 2012, where he also was the runner up, losing to talk show host and comedian Arsenio Hall.

Students and parents of all-girl private school Carondelet High School in San Francisco were offended when a menu of fried chicken, watermelon, and cornbread was presented as an option to observe Black History Month.

A group of students brainstorming ways to celebrate Black History Month posed the idea for the menu, apparently overlooking the racial overtones to Black minstrel shows and the symbolism of the food for Blacks.

The school quickly removed the lunch menu and Principal Nancy Libby issued an apology letter to parents.

“I’d like to apologize for the announcement and any hurt this caused students, parents or community members,” the apology letter said. “Please know that at no time at Carondelet do we wish to perpetuate racial stereotypes.”

While the school has apologized for the racial misstep, some Carondelet students have expressed their own views that society is “too sensitive” to the subject of race.

Gabby Simones, a junior at the school who is Latina, backed the idea of the soul food menu, saying, “On Cinco de Mayo we would have probably had enchiladas, rice and beans.” As Robert Jackson, a teacher at Acts Christian Academy, pointed out to the student, the origins of this food carries much more of a historical symbolism dating back to slavery.

Fried chicken and watermelon have often been used in the comedic but lazy images of “Sambo” and dark-skinned motherly figure “Mammy” images of Blacks. An in-depth analysis of the origin of the fried chicken stereotype conducted by NPR connects the dots for those unfamiliar with its roots.

“We talk about soul food because it was actually food we used that was left over from the master’s table and we used it to restore our soul and restore our hope,” Jackson said.

This proposed menu was definitely a celebration gone wrong but a valuable teaching lesson for all involved nonetheless.

[Image: Shutterstock]

The queen of all media Oprah Winfrey may be making her Broadway debut during the 2015-2016 season, adding another impressive feat to her resume. According to The Hollywood Reporter, the mogul is in talks to star in a Pulitzer Prize winning play, ‘night, Mother opposite Tony winner Audra McDonald.

African-American Tony winner George C. Wolfe would direct.

The two-character play focuses on a mother’s attempt to change her daughter’s mind from committing suicide.

Lead Broadway producer Scott Sanders, confirmed that Oprah is interested in gracing the Broadway stage. ”Oprah has had a longstanding desire to act on Broadway. She understands how unique and challenging performing live on stage will be as an actress,” Sanders said.

The OWN head, who recently turned 60, is no stranger to The Great White Way. She brought The Color Purple starring Fantasia to the stage and is in talks of a revival with Sanders. 

Oprah has enjoyed her own revival of acting in the past year. She appeared in Lee Daniels’ The Butler after a decade plus hiatus. She has hinted at her plans to make a Broadway debut in the past saying, “It’s something I would like to do, but I’d like to get settled in my house, have a life and then make the next move.”

Every show with an ensemble cast has a specific member that viewers connect with.  At a recent birthday party, I overheard a group of 30-something entrepreneurs musing about Bravo’s newest series, Blood Sweat & Heels. Debut curiosity more than anything drew them in for an early episode or two, just to check it out.  And there was one personality that the women were drawn to.

“That girl is wild.”

“She stays with a glass of wine in her hand. I love her.”

“I want her at my next dinner party.”

“No, I want to be at her next dinner party.”

Mica Hughes. Harlemite. Goofy former model. Hair-flipping wild child. Business owner. Rocky’s long-legged momma. The anti-fur chinchilla champion.

She often laughs at herself (“I probably do that more than anybody”) and is taking this new-found adventure in stride (“I’m still kind of in a daze”). Yet as much as Hughes might giggle at some of her own cringe-worthy moments and even laughs with some detractors, she has her limits. (Hughes recently questioned how the network made light of her father’s illness in the most recent episode.)

We sat down with the multi-hyphenate and learned a little more about the business side of Mica, how she’s hip to the “realities” of reality TV, who her real friends are, and candidly addresses the rumors about her being a “drunk.”

UPTOWN: What made you get a pet chinchilla?  How did that come about?

Mica Hughes: Rocky came into my life at a time when I was single. I was meeting up with a friend of mine at her house.  She was like ‘I’m gonna be about half an hour late.’ So I thought alright, I’ll just go into this pet store hang out here til you get back. They had these chinchillas. I was like (goes into high pitched squeal) “Oh my gaw – you sell chinchillas?” and I just kind of fell in love with Rocky. Put him in a box, got a cage, went to my girlfriend’s house with him. And that’s how Rocky came into my world. He’s just the sweetest. Like , if you want a pet that’s low maintenance that has a personality, get a chinchilla.

U: You’d be the first person to ever tell me that. I have been looking into getting a pet. Do they shed a lot ?

MH: They shed once a season but it’s not a lot. But the big thing – you know how hamsters have that smell? [Chinchillas] don’t have that smell at all. AT ALL. No smell. They use the bathroom in one area. They’ll run down to the bottom and then come back up and hang out on the levels. They’re very organized in that way. They’re easy. They have this diamond dust, and they roll around in it and that’s how they clean their fur. But every once in a while I put Rocky in the bathtub. Only because I just feel like, everybody needs a little water on them here and there.

U: How did you get involved with the show?

MH: Through the production team at Bravo. They found me through the circles of fashion – that’s how I was introduced to them.

U: In some of the early episodes it seemed like you and some of the girls already knew each other.

MH: Yes, some of us knew each other. I didn’t know Geneva and I had never met Melyssa.

U: Oh. It seemed like you already had a rapport with Brie, Geneva and Melyssa, especially since you were giving Melyssa career advice.

MH: That’s just my personality. I’m a really friendly person so if you ever see me and you need advice or anything, I’d take the time to give it to anybody I just met. Even if you just met me out at a restaurant. Brie yes I knew – I guess it’s been a couple of years. Demetria I knew of through social circles but we weren’t really close. And Daisy and Brie, we became close over the past year and a half. Well not close close. (laughs) You know. But Daisy and I are close-close now. Is it really confusing how I described that? (laughs)

U: Makes sense. About your entrepreneurial side…I found a clip of you on a CBS segment from a couple years back. You had on your white jacket, and [had] all the equipment. What made you want to become an esthetician?

MH: When I was thinking about ending my career as a model, I was thinking of other things I could transition into. And I’ve always loved, you know –  taking care of my skin and finding all the new things I can do to keep myself looking young and fresh. I had my own esthetician that worked on my face and she is the one that really encouraged me to go to school an do it for myself. I thought “ Why not?” I’ve been into this stuff for years and being in fashion it’s just part of the business. So I just went for it.

U: You studied in New York?

MH:  Yes, I went to Atelier Esthétique here in NYC. I went the fast track. 9-6 everyday for about five months including Saturdays.

U: Did you have the modeling company first or did you start your esthetician practice first?

MH: It was kind of around the same time. I went to school thinking I wanted to start my own spa business. I did work in a couple of spas first and then I just started my own thing.

U: Are you still active as an esthetician? I looked for links to the practice but didn’t find anything.

MH: I’m looking for a space – so it (Mica 2M Spa) is more of a high-end concierge business now.

U: Getting into the show. In every group of friends everyone seems to adopt a role. There’s the mother hen, the party girl, the voice of reason, the one who starts stuff. In this group who’s who?

MH: Oh gosh. I think I’m a bit of everything you just mentioned. Party girl would be all of us except for – well – me and Daisy definitely like to have a good time. Melyssa as well. Work hard, play hard is my motto. So me, Daisy, and Melyssa usually hang together the most. Brie, Geneva and Demetria – they have more in common with their personalities. I don’t know how I would add those descriptions to each girl. There’s a little bit of all in everyone.

U: In early episodes, we see a lot of you guys out at events and they’re social events so of course there’s drinking. There’s a lot of you doing the drinking. Did you give your friends and family a heads up about how this might play out once the show aired?

MH: It’s funny, some of my friends and family have already come to my defense on Twitter and Facebook saying, “This is not Mica.” I guess there has to be controversy somewhere and somebody has to start it. And you know the things about drinking about me are not true. You’ll see throughout the season I was going through some tough emotional family issues. And yes, at times did I drink a little too much dealing with this stuff? Umm – yeah, I’m human. I’m not perfect. Do I have a playful personality with and without alcohol? Yes, I do. My friends know me, my family knows me and they know this is reality TV and they know things can kinda be inflated and it’s not necessarily true.

U: For the episodes that have already aired, have you looked at yourself and looked at interacting with the other girls and laughed about it? Winced at it ? Or a little bit of both?

MH: Oh my gosh. When I looked at the first episode, I could not stop laughing. There were probably parts I shouldn’t have been laughing at but – it was just funny to me. Even at times when it was kind of hurtful – it was still funny. Thank God I can laugh at myself watching this. Do I sometimes wince like “Oh my God did I just do that?” Because you’re filming so much and such long hours and everyday – of course ya know – things are gonna happen.

U: You’re at least aware of what could be captured when filming [with everyone] but everyone’s confessionals are not something you would know about until they aired. As you’re seeing some of them, have you guys called each other and said “Did you really say that about me?” Or do you just laugh about it?

MH: For now, I just rock with it and laugh it off. I haven’t really approached anyone. Its’ still all so new and so raw right now that I’m still taking it all in. It takes me a little time to absorb it all. Then I can go back and think about it and go “wait, what did that really mean?” But right now with so many things coming at me, I’m just going with it.

U: You mentioned friends coming to your defense on Twitter. Obviously if they’re coming to your defense it’s because people are saying things that are pretty harsh.

MH: Oh yeahhhh.

U:What is the harshest thing you’ve heard thus far that’s completely unfounded?

MH: The comments about ‘oh she’s a drunk’. It’s hurtful. It’s not true. To label and judge someone when you’re in no position to do that is just rude and disrespectful. That’s the one I’m looking at and not too happy about. But I expect that with this journey. You have people out there that love the controversy and that’s all they want to comment on. All they want to speak about is the negative and blow things out of proportion.

U: Do you have any projects launching after the show? I know the esthetician practice is more concierge – but do you plan on pushing that more?

MH: Some new things are coming with that. A product line. Maybe a machine line. I’ve been asked to write a book about my life. Gosh – [there's] just a lot of things coming [up] that I’ve been working on and new things that have popped up. I used to have a model search and seminar company years ago. I’ve been asked to do that again. I’m planning on building my agency [Mica Models] out into a school because I have so many people who are interested but just need development.

By Colby Carrington | Photos courtesy Mica Hughes

The next episode of Blood, Sweat & Heels airs Sunday, 9pm ET on Bravo.

The “Eat Fresh” restaurant chain Subway is under fire for the ingredient content of their bread, including the plastic chemical, azodiacarbonamide. The addictive, which is banned in Europe and Australia but is legal in the US and Canada, has been linked to various respiratory illnesses, including asthma.

The chemical, found in yoga mats and shoe soles for elasticity, is found in the chain’s doughy sandwich bread and consumers are demanding its prompt removal. The issue was brought to light by blogger and food activist Vani Hari, who was first recognized for battling Kraft Foods for its yellow dye in three of their products, including kid favorite mac-n-cheese. Hari explained how the dye caused allergies, hyper-activity in children and migraine headaches.

A petition, titled “Subway: Stop Using Dangerous Chemicals In Your Bread launched this week against the sandwich maker. Although azodiacarbonamide is found in other foods, Hari targeted Subway especially because their healthy marketing tactics and appeal. The petition has garnered more than 50,000 signatures.

In a statement, Subway said the ingredient would be out of bread “soon.”

“We are already in the process of removing azodicarbonamide as part of our  bread improvement efforts despite the fact that it is a USDA and FDA approved  ingredient,” the statement read.

The Texas teen who made national headlines for killing 4 and injuring 2 has been sentenced to a rehab facility by State District Judge Jean Boyd.

Ethan Couch, escaped jail time, particularly the 20 year maximum requested by prosecutors, even after tests showed Couch had a blood alcohol content of 0.24, three times the legal limit hours after the crash.

Last June, Couch’s pickup plowed into pedestrians before slamming into a parked car, creating a domino effect where it hit a car driving in the opposite direction. The teen’s passengers, who was riding in the pick-ups bed, sustained broken bones, brain and internal injuries. A residential treatment center, that must be paid by Couch’s parents, and 10 years probation has sufficed as punishment, according to the judge. Non-use of drugs and alcohol and banned driving privileges’ are all a part of his probation, and any violations could lead to up to 10 years in the slammer.

Many believe the case and it’s seemingly unfair verdict is a result of  white privilege, and “affluenza“, a term coined by a witness describing his lack of discipline from his extremely wealthy parents.

“Had he (Couch) not had money to have the defense there, to also have the experts testify, and also offer to pay for the treatment, I think the results would have been different,” said Eric Boyles after the proceedings Wednesday. Boyles lost his wife, Hollie and daughter Shelby in the crash.

By Marcus Scott

“Back in the day, we loved the tour buses. Didn’t we?” Taj says,  beaming.

“I ain’t said nothing. But somebody used the back of the bus, our bus, [for] humpin’,” says Coko, dishing out gossip.

“Well, it wasn’t it me,” Taj proclaims. Coko and Leelee return in jest, with head-snapping whiplashes and boggled side-eyes speaking volumes. “It was you!” Leelee notes playfully, with belly laughs.

Coko recalls: “I came on [that] bus like, this bus don’t smell right…” Get it! And, so began what seemed like a return to rare form for the ladies of SWV who were combating some of their inner demons—past and present—last week. Here they were, not making outrageously catty remarks, not placing blame on each other or invisible outside forces, or working angles for their own personal ambitions. Here, they are just being friends. Weird, huh?

But not all is as it seems: Taj has only slept under the same roof with her husband only two days out of the last month, and met briefly to kiss in the airport before parting ways again. Not everyone has a story book sugar plum fairytale marriage like Jay-Z and Beyoncè; celebrity marriages take work, time management skills and attention that Taj may or may not have. More on that later…

En route through Cleveland, NC, it was made quite clear that Leelee and Taj are fans of the tour bus, embracing the slumber party aesthetic of it all. But surprise! “First Class ‘Ho” Coko isn’t a fan, and prefers the non-stop one-way flight option any day. Regardless, they make it work as they stop at a mom-and-pop shop to grab a bite. Cory, dressed like a long lost back-up extra from  Scream, reminds the ladies of their schedule.

For starters, they have an early-morning photo shoot with Today’s Black Woman as styled by Shun Melson that may disturb Coko’s beauty sleep; They have a performance at the intimate Taboo 2 Bistro & Bar; And Lelee’s son Khiry will make an appearance as a guest star, getting his stage feet for the first time in front of a live audience. The ladies will also meet with celebrated hit-maker Sean Garrett—the A-List producer behind such gems as Ciara’s “Goodies,” Pussycat Dolls’ “Buttons,” Usher’s “Yeah,” and Chris Brown’s “Wall to Wall”—in hopes of scoring a chance to record a new self-penned song. But there seems to be some confusion: When do they have time to write?

According to the ladies, not much and that falls on Cory to find the time and schedule the trio to write between interviews, concerts, promotions, etc. But isn’t that what touring is all about—experiencing life and writing on the road? After all, that’s what their peers, older and younger are doing. Things come to a head later when Cory and Taj get into a heated quarrel about songwriting duties and his role as road manager. Cheap shots are fired below the belt, as usual.

Then again, they’ve got a lot of work ahead of them. Their breakthrough with therapist Terrie Williams may have worked to extinguish 21 years of resentment, but feelings still linger and incidents are still being discussed. Taj’s never revealed to her “sisters” that her ex-boyfriend Antoine used to physically abuse her while on tour years before, and Coko now must open lines of communication, especially in light of recent circumstances: Her oldest son ran away from home while the trio visited London and hasn’t returned with so much as a phone call. On her Skype session with her husband, it’s discovered that her son’s court date for a vandalism charge is soon and if he doesn’t show, he faces juvie. She can’t miss it.

Taj was tweeted by a blogger who posted a story that was over a year old based on rumor that her husband had cheated on her. What turned into a phone call for comfort, turned into a rise of blood pressure as Eddie’s pay-no-mind attitude clashed with Taj’s anger. Things got bit more heated when she later confides in Leelee. Keeping it real, Leelee beseeched her to question whether Taj’s husband has been as faithful she so claims him to be. After all, he is an NFL All-Star. A feud between the two comes to a halt during their jam session with Garrett, while tinkering with a cheating man / girl power anthem “I Ain’t The Reason,” which has Top 40 written all over it (even in its rough draft!). Each of the gals has three different takes on the song, and how they want to interpret it. All it takes is Garrett’s pedagogical voice to steer them to craft the song from each perspective to get them back on track.

And just in time for the strip club! Leelee played hostess—and a great one!—by taking Taj out for a night on the town at the infamous Magic City, while Coko, staying true to her gospel image career, declined. Not to mention, Taj showed off her amazing pole dance moves. Practice, no doubt, for the next day when her husband surprised her with flowers and some good old-fashioned make-up nookie before the show.

As expected the concert is a success. Leelee’s son, Khiry shows promise as a rapper. Yet to zero astonishment, Coko waits until the last minute to let her band members know about the legal issues plaguing her son, Jazz. Things come to a head when she drops the bomb that the concert scheduled for the following week—one they’ve been pushing for some time—must be cancelled in light of the circumstances. With two episodes to go, will Coko learn to communicate before to its too late?

“SWV: Reunited” airs Thursdays at 10PM ET/PT on We TV.

Tabloid superstar Nadya Suleman faces welfare fraud charges for a fourth time, after making $30,000 in unreported income.

Suleman, whose claim to fame includes birthing octuplets in January 2009 which increased the size of her brood to 14, unjustly received government aid, totaling $10,000 in MediCal benefits and food stamps. After pleading not guilty to her first three welfare fraud charges, Suleman will face a judge for arraignment on March 11 for unreported income. The state is seeking $26,000 in restitution.

Suleman faces up to six years and four months in prison if convicted, the prosecutor said. “She’s got 14 children. We’ll try and work out a deal for her,” reported Deputy District Attorney William Clark after she pleaded not guilty to the original charges.

Courtesy of YourTango

Recently, one of our clients discovered a man she was attracted to on an online dating site. She was surprised because she had been skeptical about online dating. Then she began to make her first mistake — one that we see so many women make. She began to put a lot of expectations on this man and their possible relationship before they had even met. You see, she suffered from an issue that we confront with so many of our clients. She believed that she wouldn’t meet another man she was this interested in so she figured she better make this one work.

We told her what we want to share with you today — a good man is not a unicorn.

A good man is not a rare creature that, once discovered, must be hung onto for dear life. A good man is one of many millions of good men who exist in the world. And since he is not such a rare creature, you can take your time getting to know him before you invest any emotional energy on a possible future with him.

Keep reading on YourTango …

Read more from our partner YourTango:

Listen Up, Ladies! Here’s What His Body Language Is Telling You

8 Modern Dating Rules Every Single Should Know

Online Dating Advice: 10 Best Tips

[Image: Shutterstock]

Traditionally, black people have been underrepresented at the Winter Olympics. We’ve all heard the stereotypes about how black people “just don’t do cold” as an explanation for why there are a lack of black athletes in the winter games. This year however, there’s a sizable group of African Americans who are bucking that trend and making a splash at Sochi. Meet the Black Olympians at the 2014 winter games.

Adrian Adams

Adrian Adams is a member of the US Bobsled. Adams said his first trip in a bobsled was a “thrill seeking experience.”  ”I loved it,” Adams said.  ”I was ready to immediately go again.”

Maureen Ajoku

Maureen Ajoku is participating in the bobsled event. Ajoku thought the sport was crazy when she took her first ride down the track. “I think I was more happy and relieved that I came out alive than anything else,” Ajoku said. She holds a B.A. in Sociology with a minor in Education in Applied Psychology from Santa Barbara, where she competed in jumps and heptathlon.

Shani Davis

The 31-year old speed skating veteran is looking to break a few records at the Sochi games. If successfully defends his Vancouver gold medal in the 1,000 meter race, he’ll become the first male Olympian to win the same individual event in three successive Winter games since a Swedish figure skater did so in 1928. He’s also chasing two American speed skating legends: Eric Heiden and Bonnie Blair, who have five and six Olympic medals respectively.

Aja Evans

Aja Evans has a background in track and field, having competed in both shot put and sprinting during her tenure at University of Illinois. She transitioned to bobsledding in March 2012 and was named Rookie of the Year. Evans comes from a family of talented athletes.  Her brother, Fred, is the Vikings’ defensive tackle, her uncle is Gary Matthews, who is the former hitting coach of the Chicago Cubs , and her cousin is major league baseball player Gary Matthews Jr.

Jazmine Fenlator

For the first time in Olympic history, there will be black drivers for the bobsled competition. Jazmine Fenlator is one of those two drivers. The New Jersey native began bobsledding in 2007. Like many others, she comes from a track and field background and she still holds the records for indoor shot put, outdoor shot put and discus at Rider University. In her first few years competing Jazmine lost five family members and her mother suffered a debilitating heart attack. Then in 2011, she nearly lost her home to Hurricane Irene.  ”No matter what struggles and losses I went through over the past year and a half, I made it.  I persevered, I was resilient, and I can only be thankful everyday when I wake up for the opportunities I have before me.  I know I have support and love behind me every step of the way.”

Lolo Jones

The now infamous hurdler who was a favorite to win gold at the 2012 London Games has joined the bobsled team. She was accepted onto the team mere weeks after first trying the sport. It was teammate Elana Meyers who first introduced her to bobsledding. Many critics believe that she was put on the team because she’s a publicity magnet, but she responded to the criticism on her Facebook page saying, ”Bobsled was my fresh start. Bobsled humbled me. Bobsled made me stronger. Bobsled made me hungry. Bobsled made me rely on faith. Bobsled gave me hope. I pushed a bobsled but bobsled pushed me to never give up on my dreams.”

Elana Meyers

Elana Meyers is the other bobsled team member who will receive the privilege of piloting the sled. She took up bobsledding six years ago after playing a wide range of sports in college, including softball, soccer and track. She’s the daughter of former Atlanta Falcons running back Eddie Meyers. She’s already won a bronze medal in the 2010 Winter Olympics.

Lauryn Williams 

Lauryn Williams is a two-time medalist in Olympic track and field, including a gold medal in the 2012 London Games. She just began bobsledding last year, but is already proving herself to be a formidable opponent having finished third in the U.S. Push Championship after just a few days of practicing the position. Lauryn is preparing to become a Certified Financial Planner and she wants to help her follow Olympians better guide their financial destinies.

The Jamaican Bobsled Team 

Although they are not African-American, we would be remiss if we didn’t mention the return of the Jamaican bobsled team after an over a decade-long absence. The first Jamaican bobsled team made their appearance in the 1988 Calgary Games, which is portrayed in the film Cool Runnings. The team had to raise money to make it to Sochi and now it seems that their clothes and some of their equipment is missing due to various flight complications. But driver Winston Watts isn’t worried: ”I do have a backup plan,” Watts said, trying to make light of a “frustrating” situation. “We do have a lot of guys here that want to help us, so I’m excited to see what’s going to be the outcome tomorrow.”

With unemployed Americans numbering in the 10 million range, the numbers in January’s jobs report isn’t exactly encouraging as actual growth fell short of predictions.

Although job creation last month increased compared to December, it wasn’t by much. Economists expected to hit 178,000 jobs in January, though only 113,000 jobs were created. Unemployment hit its peak in 2009 at 10%, but currently sits at 6.6%, the lowest in five years. But the reason why this isn’t so promising: people have stopped looking for work and baby boomers are retiring. A little more than 60% of Americans participated in the labor market- meaning they either had a job or searched for one. The current participation rate of 63% is near 1978′s all time low.

So what sectors have seen job growth? Blue collar sectors, including the goods-producing industries and construction firms added more jobs than the services sector for the first time since 2005. Manufacturers added 21,000 jobs and the mining industry added 7,200 jobs. Despite that beam of hope, the health care industry cut 400 jobs for the first time in since 2003.

Photo credit: Shutterstock

Check out the delicious cocktail Ashlie has planned for a girl’s getaway.  Sipping cocktails by the pool at your private beachfront villa? perfection! Follow the recipe below to join in the fun.

Electric Midnight
1oz CÎROC
.5oz Aperol
.5oz Fresh Lemon Juice
.5oz Simple Syrup
Garnish: Grapefruit Twist

Combine all ingredients into shaker with ice. Shake well and then strain into a stemless flute. Garnish with a grapefruit twist.

Ashley is wearing Prentiss Anderson’s jacket.

Courtesy of The Frisky

Women’s magazines (and probably Snapple Facts) have been touting it for years, but there’s real science behind it: kissing is good for your health. You already know the obvious reasons it makes your life better, but as it turns out, it makes your body a lot better too. Kissing deserves more appreciation in its own right rather just as a pitstop on the way to sexytime. It’s an experience that is unlike any other form of, ahem, communication, and it can have about a million different meanings and nuances. Here are some ways kissing improves your health and makes life generally more awesome.

1. It tells you whether your date is a keeper. Just as the cliches say, kissing is a great gauge of sexual compatibility. A first kiss with someone new has a tendency to be awkward because of nerves, no matter how great your chemistry is. But if the next few smooches after that are magic, it’s a good sign that sex with that person will be just as awesome.

2. It’s like exercise … sort of. Kissing does burn calories, though hardly as many as an hour at the gym. A really intense kiss can burn two calories a minute. If things are really hot and heavy, the benefits may be similar to that of a brisk walk. Hey, it may not be as healthy as going for a run, but it’s certainly better for you than eating doughnuts while watching trash TV on the couch! That’s plenty enough motivation for me.

Continue here…

Courtesy of Sister 2 Sister

Kordell Stewart caught wind of Porsha Williams’ pregnancy rumors, and he wasted no time making a statement about the paternity.

Earlier this week, speculation that Porsha may be expecting exploded when the “Real Housewives of Atlanta” star posted an unflattering selfie. She then yanked it from her Instagram, but she didn’t delete it quickly enough for picture not to have been copied to a dummy account at her old Instagram ID, PorshaDStewart.

The jury is still out on whether she was hiding a baby bump or just some extra breakup weight in the shot. That hasn’t stopped Access Atlanta from asking Kordell about the pregnancy rumors! If Porsha does have a baby on the way, people will immediately look to her ex-husband as the first candidate for babydaddy.

Continue here…

Two of Hollywood’s finest are teaming up for the John Hillcoat-directed crime drama, Triple Nine.

Michael B. Jordan will join Chiwetel Ejiofor in the film that centers on a group of corrupt Los Angeles cops who plan a major heist. The thieves agree to kill an officer (a “Code 999″) to divert authorities from the crime happening across town.

Ejiofor will play the mastermind behind the robbery, while Jordan will take the role of a street-wise cop to hooks up with the thieves to step up the officer.

Casey Affleck and Kate Winslet are also set to star.

Production on Triple Nine will reportedly begin this summer for a 2015 release.

Terrell Owens could be back on the market sooner than we thought. Way sooner.

According to TMZ, the former NFL star’s new wife Rachel Snider is reportedly ready for a divorce just two weeks after tying the knot. She claims Owens only went through with the marriage so he could get a loan for a $2 million home in Sherman Oaks, Calif.

“I felt in love … and now I feel betrayed and heartbroken,” Snider told the outlet. “I really valued his love and friendship for 5 years. Out of the love in my heart, I tried to help him. We had a secret relationship for 5 years and I married him for love.”

The 33-year-old postal worker from Texas has left T.O. and moved out of California.

Following a brief engagement, the pair got married during a secret ceremony at a Norwalk, Calif. courthouse on Jan. 23.

This is the first marriage for Owens who plays father to four children from previous relationships.

Courtesy of The Frisky

Last night, The New York Times posted Woody Allen’s response to daughter Dylan Farrow’s allegations that he molested her as a child which, he writes, will be his final word on the matter. If it is, then he has done himself no favors. The entire thing is a revolting display of arrogance and entitlement, and, in my opinion, only further supports Dylan Farrow’s story, as Allen’s justifications, mistruths and attacks fit those of an unrepentant sociopath and child abuser. If the Times actually edited op-eds, they would have had a fact-checking mess on their hands. It’s worth noting that almost every defense/excuse Allen makes in his piece was also used in that godawful piece on The Daily Beast, which led me to wonder if Allen used it as a reference.

The vast majority of Allen’s op-ed, which is long, rambling, and seemingly unedited, focuses on Mia Farrow, namely that she is a bitter, angry shrew who brainwashed his daughter into thinking he molested her, because Mia was mad he had fallen in love with a younger woman. That is, a younger woman who also happened to be Mia’s adopted daughter, a fact which Woody glazes over and does not acknowledge as being even a tiny bit problematic. In fact, Allen all but calls Mia a hypocrite for thinking his relationship with Soon-Yi Previn is “improper” — after all, Mia once married the much older Frank Sinatra. That Woody Allen thinks the two relationships are comparable says a lot about his moral compass, or lack thereof.

Allen twists the truth throughout the piece, using legalese or just outright lying to distort the actual facts of the case, and then tries to distract the reader with repeated attempts to defame Mia Farrow. He even uses the rumor that Ronan Farrow’s real biological father is Frank Sinatra to attack Mia’s character, nevermind the fact that it has nothing to do with Dylan Farrow’s actual 20-year-long memories.

Continue here…

Kevin Durant is using his celebrity platform to remind us that family comes first. Always.

The 25-year-old Oklahoma City Thunder star is honoring his late Aunt Pearl with a special edition shoe for Nike. He credits her for being a role model during his childhood, before she passed away in 2000 from lung cancer.

“I made a promise to myself to always honor my Aunt Pearl for the example she set, and the encouragement she gave me to follow my dreams,” said Durant.

The KD VI Aunt Pearl shoe features a pink floral pattern and highlights of blue with subtle pearls. The design was inspired by a robe that Pearl often wore.

The kicks– along with a matching t-shirt and hat– will be available this month at Nike.com and select retail locations globally. Proceeds will benefit the Kay Yow Cancer Fund to fight against women’s cancers through supporting research programs and related projects.